


wildfire.

by lordvoldyfarts



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, F/F, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, angst angst angst, chemistry teacher!alex, history teacher!maggie, probably maybe a happy ending, recovering alcoholic alex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-02 09:57:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8663008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordvoldyfarts/pseuds/lordvoldyfarts
Summary: Alex has seen beautiful women before, her sister is one of them, but not one has ever taken her breath away so quickly it felt like she was being knocked over.

  Maybe it was simply the shock of seeing another person here when the school had seemed so desolate.

  Or maybe, maybe, it was because that was the most beautiful woman that Alex has ever seen.
or the one where alex teaches chemistry, maggie teaches history, and they teach each other a little something about falling in love.





	1. i needed sunshine in the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> this is mostly exposition! i think it's probably going to round out at about three parts but who knows! hope you enjoy :)

**_August._ **

There’s a reason Alex isn’t an art teacher.

Besides her absolute disinterest in art as an area of an academic study, she’s utterly terrible at it.

But when Kara says, “let’s make decorations for your classroom!” with that signature excited Kara face, it was very hard for Alex to say no to. So hard in fact, that she didn’t.

The reality is - Alex is moving. She is moving away from her sister for the first time since college - and even then, Kara came to visit her every single weekend. Now that Kara is all grown up with her own job, Alex highly doubts that’s going to be doable this time around. She was staying with her this weekend, to get her settled in, and then she was going home, leaving Alex alone.

So really, Alex was hardly in a position to decline spending quality time with her sister.

For the most part though, Kara did most of the artwork. She’d been insistent upon a planetary theme despite Alex’s many arguments because she teaches _chemistry_ and she hardly wants her students getting confused, thinking they’d walked into the earth science classroom.

Kara wouldn’t relent.

There’s glitter all over her brand new kitchen table but Alex really, really doesn’t regret it.

Now, Alex is standing on a chair, pinning a bright red Mars to the ceiling of her chemistry classroom. Kara squeals from where she’s standing at the front of the classroom. “It looks so good!” she says, wrinkling her nose and Alex shakes her head.

“It looks like a planetarium, Kara,” Alex says and that seems to only make Kara smile harder.

“Name me one person who doesn’t love space,” Kara says, her eyes giving a soft challenge and it’s practically a rhetorical question.

“Yes, I know space is universal, it just seems a little….misleading. I teach chemistry,” Alex reminds and Kara rolls her eyes.

“I know. And remember how much I love you when I say this, but chemistry is boring. At least give your students something nice to look at when they zone out,” Kara says with a smile. Alex frowns, picking up a piece of construction paper on a nearby desk. She balls it up quickly and throws it across the room at Kara, who avoids it swiftly. “Hey, no throwing things! You can’t break the rules in your own classroom!” Kara says and Alex rolls her eyes. She smiles while she does because it’s _Kara_ and there’s nobody in this world that Alex loves more than her.

“Finish pinning the periodic table please. I need something in here that resembles the subject I’ll be teaching,” Alex says, pointing to her trusty diagram of the periodic table that she may or may not have had since college.

(May. Definitely may.)

“Yes, Ms. Danvers,” Kara says sardonically and Alex is very tempted to throw another paper ball at her but construction paper supplies are limited and Alex doesn’t know the art teacher well enough to go crawling to them for more supplies.

When they finally finish, not that much later, Alex stands at the front of her classroom with her hands on her hips. The room is fully decorated and there’s more personality here than there is in her new apartment - which is still empty. There’s a smile pulling at her lips and Kara is staring at her smugly. Alex pretends not to see it. “Not bad,” she says and Kara nudges her with a flat hand. “Fine, fine, it looks amazing. Thank you,” Alex says honestly and Kara’s smile is soft. Her eyes light up and she runs to her bag. Alex watches her with her eyebrows knitted together because what _else_ could Kara possibly have to put in this place? She might as well sign the wall and call it her masterpiece. When she returns, she’s holding her hands behind her back.

“I got this for your desk,” she says and Alex’s smile grows.

“Kara, you didn’t have to,” Alex starts but Kara shakes her head.

“I do it every year, stop telling me I don’t have to,” Kara says with a smile and Alex sighs because it’s true. Every year since Alex started teaching, Kara bought her something to put on her desk that was very uniquely Kara. She pulls her hands from behind her back in her palm is a picture frame. It’s rather poorly painted and Alex recognizes it immediately. Kara had made it for Alex when they were kids, right after Kara had been adopted. Alex thought that she’d lost it when she’d moved away for college. Inside the frame, is a picture from Alex’s graduate school graduation. While years ago now, it still is her proudest day. It was a day she never thought she’d live to see. Not after...everything.

“Where did you find this?” Alex asks, her voice low.

“I went home this weekend and Eliza was cleaning out the attic. I looked through some old boxes and there it was. I thought it would look nice right,” she reaches down and pats the center of Alex’s desk, “there.”

It makes Alex more emotional than she expects it to. She ghosts her fingers over her smiling face. “Thank you,” Alex says and Kara’s grin is so wide her whole face is wrinkled up. Alex throws her arms around her sister’s shoulders.

In her ear, Kara whispers, “I’m still so, so proud of you Alex.”

Alex hugs her a little tighter.

It’s hard when Alex remembers that this is going to be one of the last times that she gets to do this because she’s in a new city, far away from her the comfort of her sister, and very suddenly, Alex loses faith that she’ll be able to do this.

They pull apart and Kara rests her hands on Alex’s shoulders. “You’re going to do so many great things in this classroom, Alex. I really believe that,” Kara says with such complete faith. It makes Alex feel just a little bit better.

“I can’t remember the last time I had a first day of school without you,” Alex says sadly and Kara wrinkles her nose.

“I’ll call before and after,” she promises and Alex believes her. She’s sure that Kara’s never broken a promise to her in her life.

Kara’s phone starts to buzz in her pocket. She frowns. Alex gestures with her hand for Kara to answer it.

She takes the call in the hallway and Alex leans against her desk. It’s a bigger room than the one in the last school she taught at. There’s at least thirty desks arranged in neat rows and Alex tries to imagine the students that will soon fill them. Alex knows chemistry is boring, especially to fifteen year olds who would rather be doing anything else.

But Alex lives for the moment where the light bulbs start to go off. Where the kids who started the year off with puzzled faces and bored expressions smile because they’ve finally gotten a grasp on that concept. Where the kids who tossed their tests in the recycling the second they thought they were out of sight begin to smile and save their papers because they can’t wait to show their families that they’ve gotten such a high grade on a chemistry test.

Alex loves to watch them learn.

It’s what makes this job worth it.

And for what that’s worth, Alex is _good_ at it.

Losing her previous post had nothing to do with her skill. The district had budget cuts and there were more senior teachers in her subject that they had to keep but if they were able to choose, they would have kept her. It was the only thing that kept Alex hanging onto her sanity the past few months. It was sheer luck that this school had an opening and Alex didn’t have to take the desk job at Catco that Kara offered repeatedly. Alex would rather start her degree over again than work for Cat Grant.

So this is good. It has to be.

Kara comes back into the room and her frown is even deeper than when she left. “That was Snapper…,” she trails off and Alex knows what that means.

“You have to go,” she finishes for her and Kara nods. Alex pushes herself off the desk and grabs her things. “Alright, let’s go,” Alex says and Kara’s eyes are downcast, her frown still ever present.

“I really wanted to stay until Monday,” Kara says and Alex shakes her head.

“Don’t worry. You’ve got a job to do, I understand,” Alex says as she locks the door to her classroom.

“I’m still sorry,” Kara says. Alex sighs. She wishes Kara would stop apologizing.

“No more apologizing.” Kara’s eyes are still downcast and Alex uses her fingers to lift her chin up. “I mean it. I’ll be okay,” Alex says and even to her own ears it sounds hollow. Kara though, finally nods, and starts to move away from the door. As they walk, Alex hears the slamming of another door down the hallway. Unable to keep her curiosity under control, she swivels her head in the direction of the noise.

Just a few classrooms down the hallway stands a woman who wears leather better than anybody else Alex has ever seen. She’s standing outside of, what Alex assumes, is her own classroom. Her phone is pressed between her ear and her shoulder as she fusses with her keys. Alex can’t hear the conversation happening but the expression on the woman’s face says that it’s not a very pleasant one. She looks like she’s just swallowed a lemon whole. Alex watches as she rolls her eyes while she finally manages to find the right key and turn the knob to open her classroom. She slips inside, not once glancing up, but Alex keeps her eyes fixed steady on the spot she had just occupied.

Alex has seen beautiful women before, her sister is one of them, but not one has ever taken her breath away so quickly it felt like she was being knocked over.

Maybe it was simply the shock of seeing another person here when the school had seemed so desolate.

Or maybe, maybe, it was because _that_ was the most beautiful woman that Alex has ever seen.

Alex’s vision remains stationed on the empty spot in front of the open door until Kara’s hand is waved across her face. “Hello,” she drags out, “earth to Alex!” Kara says and Alex blinks.

“What? Sorry,” Alex says and Kara’s brow is furrowed.

“Where’d you go?” she asks and Alex shakes head.

“Nowhere, I was just thinking about lesson plans,” Alex says, smiling a little sheepishly. Kara rolls her eyes as she links her arm with Alex’s.

“Nerd,” she says and starts to lead Alex toward the stairwell. Alex chances one last glance behind her at the still empty space and she thinks that maybe, working at this school may just have a few perks.

-

Saying goodbye to Kara is hard. She cries much more than she’s willing to admit and stands on the edge of the sidewalk, watching Kara’s car disappear into the horizon, for much longer than socially acceptable.

She rides her bike back to her apartment and instead of cleaning up the glitter on the table like she probably should, she crashes on her couch with a pillow hugged to her chest. Alex wishes she was one of those people who was indifferent toward their siblings, that she didn’t love Kara so damn much because then this would be easier. Kara is her best friend. Alex hasn’t had to live without her since she was fourteen. She isn’t quite sure she knows how anymore.

Alex’s number one job since she was fourteen was to protect Kara, to keep her safe, and now that she’s a grown adult, Alex isn’t sure that Kara has a place for that in her life anymore.

She would never admit it out loud but Alex fears that Kara is….outgrowing her. She doesn’t need her big sister any more and truthfully, that’s the only role Alex has ever felt that she excels at. She’s good enough at teaching but she’ll never be as good of a teacher as she is a sister.

It terrifies her that Kara might not need that anymore.

Alex’s grip is tight against the pillow and she tries to swallow the voice that’s telling her to get a drink.

She’s stronger than that voice. She _is_.

Her fingers twitch toward her phone but she knows it’s too soon to call Kara. She’d look desperate. This apartment doesn’t even have cable yet so watching something mindless to get her brain off the thought of drinking is out of the question.

In the three years that Alex has been sober, she’s never wanted to take a shot more than she does right now.

She knows that if she just…..sits here, eventually she’s going to give in and look up the address of the closest bar and she can’t do that. She can’t throw away three years of progress because she’s alone, truly alone, for the first time in years.

So she slips into leggings, a tank top, and sneakers and she goes for a run instead.

There’s no app that tells her which route avoids bars and taverns but she runs quickly and focuses on the burn in her calves. She runs without headphones to focus on all of the ways her body is aching. It’s the only way she’s ever known to stop craving a drink.

By the time she gets back to her apartment, her body is aching in places that she didn’t think was possible. Her body is drenched in sweat and perhaps most importantly, she doesn’t want a drink anymore.

After a long shower, Alex settles back on the couch again. The apartment is silent and it’s all she can seem to hear. She never thought that silence could echo like this. If she focuses, she can hear the cars buzzing by and even the ghost of Kara’s laughter.

Alex isn’t the most extroverted person - she never has been, but she’s always had someone and here? There’s no one.

Alex takes a deep breath and walks to the window. Even the stars look different here.

She slides down into the window seat, which was the entire reason she decided to lease this apartment in the first place, and keeps her eyes trained on the sky above her.

The stars usually bring a sense of calm over her. They reminded her of when Kara had just come to live with them, timid and scared and the only way Alex could get her to talk was if they were under the stars.

They don’t feel comforting anymore. Instead, they just remind her how far away she is from her family and just how far out of her element she is.

She pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her chin against her arm. If there were ever a time for a shooting star, this would be it.

She watches for a little while but nothing happens.

When she lays down to sleep, behind her eyes she pictures a shooting star and makes a wish, hoping that it really is the thought that counts.

-

When she wakes up the next morning, the first thing she does is call Kara.

She gets voicemail.

Apparently, the thought doesn’t count.

-

 **_September_ **.

Alex spends entirely too much time picking out an outfit for the first day of school. She chooses it the night before, her stomach clenching with nerves. Alex has had more first days of school than she can count on both hands and feet but she never stops feeling nervous, never stops feeling excited.

She barely sleeps the night before (though that seems to be a common theme lately - she hasn’t gotten a full night’s rest since she moved here).

Alex is in the middle of getting dressed when, true to her word, Kara calls. “It’s your first day!” Kara squeals into the phone and Alex feels almost all of the tension in her shoulders release. It isn’t the first time she’s heard from Kara since she left but Alex thinks it might be the call that means the most.

“It is,” Alex confirms, holding the chosen blouse up against her chest with a frown. It doesn’t look the same as it did last night.

“Are you nervous?” Kara asks and Alex chuckles.

“Terrified,” Alex replies because she _is_ but talking to Kara is helping. “White or blue?” Alex asks, her fingers opening the doors to the closet, her eyes tunnel visioning on a different blouse.

“White, it makes your hair look shiny,” Kara responds almost immediately and as Alex holds it up against her chest, she’s inclined to agree. “Picking out a first day outfit?” Kara teases.

“Hey, I never made fun of you when you asked me to help pick out clothes for your dates,” Alex says to the sound of Kara’s laughter. “Besides, we can’t all look good in the first thing we put on,” Alex says and Kara scoffs.

“Shush, you look beautiful in everything because you’re beautiful,” Kara says and it’s so wonderfully genuine, so _Kara_ that it brings a wide smile to Alex’s face.

They talk for a few more minutes, Alex _still_ deciding between the two blouses, before Kara has to hang up. “You better tell me what they think of the classroom,” Kara says and Alex wishes they were facetiming so she could see the depth of her eyeroll.

“Absolutely. I promise I won’t take any of the planets down until at least the second week,” Alex replies and she can hear the affronted noise Kara makes.

“If you take any of them down, I won’t make snickerdoodles when I come and visit,” Kara says and it’s a very real threat - Alex _lives_ for those cookies.

“Oh, that’s below the belt,” Alex replies.

“You’re not allowed to take it down and put it back up when I get there either. I’ll know,” Kara says and Alex laughs. “Knock em dead today, Alex,” Kara says. “I’ll call later, I’m getting another call,” Kara says and Alex’s chest tightens.

“Yeah, yeah, get it. I’ll talk to you later,” Alex says and then the line goes dead. Alex takes a deep breath. She can’t think about that now.

It’s time to put her game face on.

-

She’s at school before the sun even peeks above the horizon. The space is still so unfamiliar to her. She walks the lines of desks, dragging her fingers across them, trying to learn the room as best as she can before at least thirty bodies occupy it.

Alex leans against the edge of the desk and mentally starts filling in the seats. She has rosters but without faces, the names don’t mean anything to her. They’re just words on paper.

There’s noise in the hallway now and Alex knows it’s too early to be students. By process of elimination, Alex knows it must be the other teachers on this floor. She knows she should go out there and talk with them, introduce herself because she was hired so late, she didn’t have a chance to do so during the summer.

She doesn’t.

Alex is already nervous enough. Adding adults into the mix is hardly what she needs right now.

So she takes a deep breath and pulls at the edge her shirt. There’s only a few minutes until the students are set to arrive and Alex _still_ isn’t sure she’s ready.

She’s zoned out, her arms crossed against her chest, when there’s a knock on the door frame. Alex swivels her head and standing in the doorway, dressed in leather, is the woman from last week. She’s smiling and Alex’s stomach swoops. She’s even more beautiful up close.

“Hey, you’re the newbie on the floor,” she says and her voice is melodically sweet. Alex swallows.

“I, yes. I’m Alex. Danvers. Ms. Danvers,” Alex says, stumbling over her introduction. The woman’s smile grows and she starts to move in the classroom.

“I thought you were teaching chemistry,” she says, head rotating around the room, clearly taking in the decor.

“I am. My uh, my sister thought it would be….whimsical,” Alex explains and she wishes the woman would introduce herself so Alex could refer to her as something other than ‘Danny Zuko’.

“You’ve got a nice vibe in here, Danvers,” she says and Alex’s stomach flips when she hears her name roll off this woman’s tongue.

“Thanks….,” she trails off and hopes that the hint is received.

“Maggie Sawyer. I teach history down the hall,” she says, gesturing with her hand in the direction of where Alex had seen her the first time. _Maggie_. Alex turns the name around in her head a few times and it decides that it seems to fit her quite well. “You have a homeroom in here?” Alex shakes her head.

“No, I’m not scheduled for anything until second period,” Alex replies and Maggie nods, still walking around the perimeter of the classroom.

“You can come into mine, meet some of the kids, if you’re interested,” Maggie says and Alex is sure that the flush in her cheeks has her the same color as the Mars on the ceiling.

“I still have some prep to do,” Alex declines because her heart is racing at an alarming rate and she’s fairly certain it’s all to do with Maggie. Maggie nods, shoots Alex another smile, before walking to the door. She pauses in the archway.

“See you round, Danvers,” Maggie says and Alex swears her eyes are sparkling.

Alex watches her go and she feels a little bit dizzy.

To say that Alex wasn’t expecting this was an understatement. Maybe it’s possible that Alex might be able to make a friend here.

“Yeah, see you,” she says to the now empty room.

Alex stares at the space in the doorway that Maggie had occupied for a long while until the hallway starts to bustle with noise.

-

Alex’s first class goes horribly.

She stumbles over her syllabus more times than she can count and she hears the tittering of the students behind her. Alex feels her armpits sweating and she doesn’t want to look because if she does then it’s _real_ and the last thing Alex needs is to be aware of her pit stains.

The kids can’t get out of the door fast enough by the time the bell rings and Alex thinks she’s never had a worse class in her life - including the first time she student taught.

The next doesn’t go much better and she finds that she’s looking forward to her free period more than she thought so she could get a chance to breathe.

Alex is a good teacher - she knows she is. But these kids? They’re a whole different animal than Alex is used to. Her last school was a private school. While it paid less than average, her students were always interested.

These kids? They aren’t.

As they filed out of the door, Alex heard many mutterings of ‘fuck chemistry’ and Alex shouldn’t take it personally, she knows she shouldn’t, but she does.

When her free period arrives, she slips into her chair and rests her elbows on the desk. She puts her head against the palms of her hands, rubbing at her temples with her pointer fingers.

She sits in silence for a few moments and she takes a deep breath. Alex picks up her phone and dials Kara.

She gets voicemail.

She hangs up and doesn’t leave a message.

-

By the end of the day, Alex’s head is reeling.

After her last class, she sits in her chair, and stares the desks where the students had just occupied. The day had, after her first two periods, gotten slightly better. She fell into a groove and at the very least, she saw a few students look interested.

Alex’s head is reclined against the back of the chair, her body slunk down. She feels beat.

“Oh, they wear you down already? It’s only the first day, Danvers,” comes a voice from the doorway. Alex looks over and spots Maggie, a bag slung over her shoulder.

“It was a long day,” Alex grumbles and Maggie chuckles.

“That bad, huh?” she asks. Alex snorts.

“I feel like I got chewed up, spit out, and rechewed,” Alex says. Maggie laughs.

“They have that effect. It’ll get easier,” Maggie says and Alex supposes it’s supposed to be reassuring but she doesn’t _know_ Maggie so she’s still a little wary. “If you’re interested, a couple of us are grabbing drinks later. You could pick our brains,” Maggie offers and almost immediately, Alex feels the color drain from her face.

“Oh I. I can’t. I have...a thing,” Alex replies lamely. Maggie just nods though and Alex has to take a long, deep breath. Maggie reaches across the desk and pulls a pen from the holder and on a piece of spare paper, writers something down.

“In case you change your mind,” Maggie says with a warm smile. “See you, Danvers,” she adds as she starts to walk out of the room. Alex watches her go.

God, that woman really is beautiful.

Alex takes the number and puts it in her phone.

She sends Maggie a _This is Alex Danvers_ text, just in case.

-

Alex goes to the store after she leaves work and buys a dozen donuts.

She eats three of them before her stomach starts to yell at her.

Alex isn’t used to this. She isn’t used to having a bad day at work. Alex knows that she’s good at her job, knows that she’s smart and capable, and she’s never had a day like this.

She’s never felt less confident in her abilities.

Alex sits in the bay window, mindlessly munching on donuts, while old episodes of Ellen play in the background. Her phone rings and her fingers are still covered in powdered sugar. She answers it with a knuckle and places the phone between her shoulder and her ear. She wipes her fingers clean on her pants. “Hello?”

“How was your first day?” comes Kara’s voice from the other end and Alex groans. She leans her head back against the wall.

“I stopped and got donuts on the way home. I’ve eaten three,” Alex says and based on Kara’s sharp intake of breath, she understands that that means.

“What happened?” Kara asks and Alex almosts wants to counter with ‘are you sure you have time?’ but this isn’t the opportune moment to be bitter - she needed to talk.

She goes over her day in great detail, sparing no embarrassing moment, and Kara reacts appropriately and by the end of the conversation, Alex finds herself feeling much better. She even put down the donut she was in the middle of eating.

“Well hey, at least this Maggie person seems nice. You should text her!” Kara says excitedly. Alex’s stomach flips, something she attributes to the sheer amount of sugar that she’s consumed in the past few hours.

“Maybe, when the invitation isn’t to a bar,” Alex says. It wasn’t as if Alex hasn’t thought about it. Maggie had replied to her text with an ‘ _Offer still stands, Danvers. We won’t be out late, it’s a school night ;)_ ’ and Alex knows that if they were going anywhere but a bar, Alex wouldn’t have hesitated.

But her sobriety is priority and if she doesn’t make any friends here because of it, then that’s a sacrifice she’s willing to make.

“Of course. Just, make friends, okay? I want you to have a social life,” Kara says. Alex chuckles.

“The last time I had a social life, I ended up in the hospital. I think the world is better off when I _don’t_ have friends,” Alex says. It’s meant to be a joke but it doesn’t quite hit the mark. The other end is silent. “Too soon?” Alex says after a few too long moments.

“Alex, you almost died and that’s never going to be funny to me,” Kara says. Alex looks down at the box of donuts in front of her and tries to decide if it’s worth it to pick up the half eaten one again.

“Yeah, I know,” Alex says. “Sorry,” she adds because she doesn’t really want to have this conversation, not again, not now.

“Alex…,” Kara starts and Alex takes a deep breath.

“Kara, we don’t need to talk this into the ground. I made a joke in poor taste, let’s just move on,” Alex says. Kara sighs on the other end.

“Fine. But I mean it - make friends. Ask Maggie for coffee or one of the other teachers. Don’t spend all of your spare time in your apartment,” Kara says and it feels more like a pointed dig than a suggestion. Alex sighs for what seems like the thousandth time during this conversation. She knows Kara means well, knows that she just wants her to have a _life_ , but the two of them are built differently. Their definitions of what having a life means are very different.

“It’s a really nice apartment,” Alex says with a laugh. “I’ll...I’ll get coffee with Maggie or someone, I promise,” Alex continues, a bit more sincerely.

“Okay. Good. Have you put down the donuts?” Kara teases. Alex stares down at her hands, which had reached down to grab a donut. She pulls back.

“Yep,” Alex says. “No more donuts, I swear,” she adds. Alex yawns.

“Get some rest. I’ll call you tomorrow,” Kara says softly and Alex really can’t argue with that - she’s exhausted.

“Love you,” Alex says.

“Love you too.”

Alex hangs up and rests her head against the window frame. The stars are a little brighter tonight but they still have nothing on home.

She goes to sleep, hoping that when she wakes up, it’ll feel like today never happened.

-

Before Alex leaves for school the next morning, she makes sure she puts on extra deodorant. Just in case.

She brings two coffees with her. One for her, one for Maggie. It’s an offer of friendship because despite her reluctance to listen to Kara last night, she knows that she’s right. She needs at least one friend. And Maggie was nice. She gave her her number for a reason, right? Maybe Alex should give herself the opportunity to use it. And any insight into how to get these kids to listen to her would be beneficial.

So when Alex gets to school, she drops her stuff in her room before walking over to Maggie’s. It’s open but Alex still knocks on the doorframe. Maggie looks up from her desk and a smile spreads across her face when she sees Alex in the door. She’s wearing a leather jacket again, a different color than the ones Alex has seen her in before, and she still looks incredibly casual but very sharp. Again, Alex is struck by how beautiful Maggie is.  “Hey, morning, Danvers,” Maggie says, pushing away from her desk.

“Hi, Maggie. I uh, brought you this,” Alex says, holding out one of the coffees. “I wasn’t sure how you took it so it’s black but I have cream and sugar,” Alex continues. Maggie’s smile grows as she takes the coffee from Alex’s hand.

“Thanks,” Maggie says, sounding slightly surprised and Alex wonders if she’s overstepped - they did _just_ meet yesterday. Maggie takes two creams and one packet of sugar and Alex notes that for next time. “This to make up for blowing me off for drinks last night?” Maggie says with a smirk and Alex feels her cheeks flush.

“I’m sorry, I, uh, it’s just, I don’t drink,” Alex explains and Maggie’s eyes widen just a bit but she nods.

“Cool. No bar next time,” Maggie says and Alex’s head is whirling because Maggie’s implied a _next time_ and maybe this friendship has a chance. Maggie is still smiling and so is Alex. Alex gestures to her leather jacket.

“Do you always wear leather to work on Tuesdays?” Alex asks, breaking the silence and Maggie’s smile fades into a smirk. She shrugs.

“You always bring coffee to strangers?” Maggie counters and Alex’s cheeks flush again. Alex sighs. “Not that I mind. It’s good coffee,” Maggie adds.

“Good,” Alex says. “I just wanted to uh, to give you that. Have a good day, Maggie,” Alex says, pushing herself away from the desk she’d leaned on.

“Yeah, you too, Danvers,” Maggie says, lifting her cup in a salute. Alex smiles.

As she walks back to her classroom, she tries to calm her rapid heartbeat.

-

Alex teaches her first class about the scientific method.

Things go better today. The kids don’t seem interested but nobody is disruptive. Alex considers that a small victory.

Before the end of her second class, before her free period, one student raises her hand. Her name is Casey and Alex is excited to actually _get_ a question. When Alex calls on her, Casey points up to the ceiling. “Ms. Danvers, why is the solar system on the ceiling?” And Alex actually laughs. She leans against her desk.

“I let my sister decorate the room. She is under the impression that everybody loves space. Even chemistry teachers,” Alex explains. There’s murmurs of appreciation throughout the classroom and Alex makes a mental note to tell Kara that her unorthodox decorations may have led to her first breakthrough with her students. The bell rings then and her students rush off but Alex is sure she’s going to feel the high from that for the rest of the day.

Alex slides into her chair, a smile on her face. It doesn’t fade from her face her entire free period.

Even still, she’s smiling when she gathers her things to head to the teacher’s lounge for lunch.

It drops though, when she gets there and the earth science teacher from down the hallway says, “Hey, Alex, I don’t want caf duty day, can you take it off my hands?”

And Alex knows the protocol. She’s the newbie. If someone wants to trade their caf duty, she’s the one who gets it. Even teachers have hierarchy. Alex takes a deep breath. “Sure,” she says. Maggie is sitting at the table, a sandwich halfway to her mouth and Alex hears her sharp intake of breath.

“Sorry, Danvers,” Maggie says and Alex shrugs.

“It’s fine. I’ll see you,” she says mostly to Maggie.

That earth science teacher is definitely on her shit list now.

Lunch goes fine. Nobody tries to start a fight over mashed potatoes, so Alex considers it a success.

She is, however, starving by the time the period finishes. She doesn’t have a free period for the rest of the day so she supposes she’s going to have to eat between classes.

Her stomach is nearly eating itself by the end of the day.

She’s getting ready to leave when there’s a knock at the door. Alex looks up from her desk, where she’s gathering papers, and sees Maggie in the door. She’s got a her bag slung over her shoulder and Alex is reminded of the previous afternoon. “How was day two, Danvers?” Maggie asks and Alex actually smiles.

“Good. Better than yesterday, at least,” Alex says. Maggie nods.

“Good, glad to hear it,” Maggie says. “Sorry about lunch. Julia tries to pawn off caf duty whenever she can,” Maggie explains and Alex laughs.

“I get it. Hierarchy is the same everywhere,” Alex replies.

“Are you heading out?” Maggie asks, gesturing to Alex’s bag which rests on her desk. Alex nods. “I’ll walk you,” Maggie says and Alex smiles.

“Sure,” Alex says. Maggie waits in the doorway for Alex to continue gathering her things.

She finishes and meets Maggie outside of the door, shutting and locking it. “I think I owe my sister a thank you. Her decorations seemed to be the reason behind the breakthrough,” Alex says as they start to walk. Maggie raises her eyebrow.

“Yeah? Doesn’t surprise me. Everyone loves space,” Maggie says and Kara’s own words echo through Alex’s mind.

“That’s what my sister said,” Alex replies with a smile.

“Smart girl,” Maggie says. “Where you from, Danvers?” Maggie asks as they walk down the stairs.

“Midvale, to start. I moved to National City for grad school and that’s where I was until this summer,” Alex replies. “How about you?”

“Here and there. Why’d you leave National City?” Maggie says, and Alex notes the clear brush off of her question.

“Budget cuts. The school I was teaching at just didn’t have the room for me anymore,” Alex replies.

“Their loss,” Maggie says with a smile, nudging her with her elbow. “We’re lucky to have you,” she continues and Alex flushes again. They’re nearing the exit to the parking lot and Alex makes a decision.

“Do you want to grab some food? I never got to eat today after the caf duty thing,” Alex says and her palms are really, really sweaty. Maggie’s face scrunches up in a way that makes it pretty clear she’s about to say no.

“Sorry, can’t. I’m meeting my girlfriend. Another time?” Maggie says and if Alex isn’t being honest, her mind is stuck on the words _my girlfriend_. Maggie isn’t straight.

Oh god.

Maggie isn’t straight.

Alex’s head is reeling.

It’s after a few moments of mentally repeating the phrase _my girlfriend_ over and over in her head, that Alex realizes Maggie is watching her. Her face looks defiant, as if she’s daring Alex to say something negative. Alex just nods.

“Yeah, absolutely. Go, enjoy,” Alex says and Maggie’s face relaxes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Danvers,” Maggie says before pushing out of the door. Alex watches her go, her feet frozen in place.

Maggie likes girls.

It’s not a big deal, of course it’s not, except for the fact that it is.

Because Alex likes girls too.

She realized in college. And as much as she tried to suppress it, to pretend that she _wasn’t_ feeling what she was feeling, it was real.

And then everything else in her life fell apart and her sexuality kind of took a backburner to a downward spiral, a DUI arrest, and a hospitalization. Even once her life got back on track, once she was cleared of the charges and went back to school, she couldn’t focus on whatever was happening with her sexuality.

So she just….hasn’t put any thought into it. She’s been busy anyway and nobody’s come into her life to force her to think about it.

Well, until now.

She doesn’t move from the spot in front of the door until someone bumps into her on their way out.

She might need another box of donuts.

-

Alex is watching Runaway Bride when her phone buzzes. She knows Kara is busy so her brow furrows. Who could be texting her at nearly ten at night?

(And yes, she _does_ realize just how lonely that makes her sound.)

 **_Maggie:_ ** _hey Danvers, still want to grab that bite?_

Oh. Well Alex can certainly say that she didn’t expect that.

Her shirt is covered in powdered sugar and she’s been drinking more cranberry juice than is probably healthy for her but there’s a jump in her feet that she hasn’t felt in a long time.

 **_Alex:_ ** _Sure. Where?_

She stands up and tries to wipe as much powder off of her shirt as she can. It’s unsalvageable, she knows that, but it was worth a shot.

 **_Maggie:_ ** _send me your address, I’ll pick you up._

Alex’s stomach flips. She sends Maggie her address and nearly trips over nothing while trying to get into her bedroom. She thinks about texting Kara but decides against it - it’s late and she really doesn’t want to get Kara excited over what could be nothing.

There’s butterflies in her stomach and she tries really, really hard to not think about what they might mean.

Maggie is a _friend_. If even that.

So if she picks a pair of jeans that she _knows_ make her ass look amazing, well, that’s neither here nor there.

Not even ten minutes later, Maggie says she’s downstairs and Alex tries to pretend she wasn’t already perched by the door, waiting.

When she gets outside, her breath catches in her throat because she has to say, she didn’t expect _this_.

Maggie is leaning against a sleek, black motorcycle, a helmet dangling from her hand. She’s got a smirk on her face and Alex’s heart starts racing. Again.

“Nice ride,” Alex says, her voice a little shaky. Maggie’s smirk turns into a smile.

“Thanks. Ever been on a bike before, Danvers?” Maggie asks and now it’s Alex’s turn to smirk.

“I’ve got a Ducati in the parking garage,” Alex replies. Maggie’s eyebrows shoot up, her face morphing into an expression of clear intrigue. It switches back to that smirk that Alex is growing quite accustomed to quickly.

“Good, then I don’t have to tell you to hold on tight,” she says as she tosses the helmet in her hand over to Alex. She catches it, just barely, and slides it on her head. She’s glad it’s dark because she knows her cheeks are flushed and the last thing she wants is for Maggie to catch her _blushing_.

Maggie’s on the bike and revving the engine and Alex just takes in the visual for a second. She really is really beautiful.

Alex shakes the thought from her mind and climbs onto the bike behind Maggie. She rests her hands carefully on Maggie’s hips. “Come on Danvers, I don’t bite,” Maggie says with a laugh and with a deep breath, Alex wraps her arms tightly around Maggie’s stomach. Her hands hit the space where Maggie’s leather jacket open. She can feel the warmth of Maggie’s skin beneath her shirt and she resists the desire to tighten her grip and pull her in closer.

Maggie smells…..really nice.

That’s the only thing Alex can focus on as the drive through the streets. If she wasn’t holding onto Maggie’s torso so tightly, she might fall off the bike.

They pull up in front of a shabby looking diner that Alex really can’t question because she’s only been in this city for a little less than two weeks and she’s sure Maggie knows it better than she does.

When they walk in, the woman behind the counter grins at Maggie in a way that makes it clear that she’s a regular here. “Darla, two milkshakes,” she says before walking to a booth in the back corner.

“Come here often, Sawyer?” Alex says as she follows Maggie, who turns her head with a raised eyebrow. The implication of her words sinks in after a moment and Alex flushes. “You know what I mean,” Alex adds, her tone exasperated.

Maggie slides into the booth. “This was the first place I found when I moved here. I used to live right across the street. I was in college, dirt poor, but a damn good flirt. I’ve been getting free milkshakes ever since,” Maggie says as the counter girl, Darla, places two chocolate milkshakes in front of them. Her eyes linger on Maggie and Alex watches her, waiting to see if she reacts. She doesn’t. She just smiles up at Darla simply and says, “Thanks.”

The dirty look that Darla gives Alex before she walks away doesn’t go unnoticed. Maggie cringes.

“Sorry about that,” Maggie says and Alex quirks an eyebrow.

“Did you two….?” the word ‘date’ lingers on the tip of her tongue but she can’t manage to force it out of her mouth. It seems as if Maggie waits to see if Alex is going to finish her sentence but when it becomes clear that she isn’t, she answers,

“Yeah, she’s my ex,” Maggie sys and she gets a careful look in her eye, as if she’s waiting for Alex to do something or say something. She only grabs the straw between her teeth to take a sip of her milkshake. A satisfied noise involuntarily makes its way out of her mouth, which makes Maggie laugh. “Best milkshakes in town,” Maggie says. Alex smiles around her straw. “So what’s your story, Danvers?”

Alex almost chokes on the milkshake.

“I already told you. Budget cuts,” Alex says, her voice shaky and Maggie shakes her head.

“No, not your work story. Your life story. I know you have a sister, but what else? Where’d you go to school?” Maggie asks and this is the point in the conversation where Alex would usually shut it down. Where she’d walk away.

But there’s something about the earnest way that Maggie is looking at her that makes Alex want to talk.

So she does.

“Stanford, for undergrad,” Alex answers and Maggie’s eyebrows raise. She whistles.

“Big leagues, impressive,” Maggie says and Alex shrugs.

“It’s what my parents wanted. Well, my mom. She went to Stanford. She wanted me to continue the legacy,” Alex says, her eyes widening and her head tilting while her voice took on a mocking tone. “It was fine, I liked it there,” Alex explains and Maggie is watching her with a careful expression.

“You always want to teach?” she asks and Alex snorts.

“Not exactly,” Alex replies, looking down at her drink. When she looks up, Maggie is just watching her with interested eyes. “I wanted to be a scientist. I was going to be a scientist,” Alex starts.

“What happened?” Maggie asks softly. Alex’s cheeks puff out.

“Life,” Alex replies, looking away from Maggie. It’s a brush off, clearly, but Alex doesn’t really think that telling Maggie she was an alcoholic who failed out of her grad program is going to gain her any friend points. “What about you?” Alex asks, shifting the attention away from her.

“Did I always want to teach? Nah. I wanted to be a cop,” Maggie says and Alex leans back against the seat, taking her in. Hm. She can’t really see it. “I promised my parents I would go to college before I went to the academy. I started off as a legal studies major and ended up switching majors halfway through. I fell in love with teaching as TA and the rest is history,” Maggie says, a smirk on her face and Alex feels the tension leave her shoulders as she laughs.

“Really?” Alex says, her tone incredulous but amused. Maggie shrugs.

“You don’t like a good pun, Danvers?” Maggie says and Alex raises an eyebrow.

“I like a good pun. That one just wasn’t good,” Alex says through her laughter. Maggie rests her elbows on the table and leans in closer to Alex.

“It made you laugh, didn’t it?” Maggie says, her voice soft and Alex feels her face flush.

“Yeah, I guess it did,” Alex replies. Maggie lifts her glass and Alex follows suit. Their eyes meet across their glasses and Alex feels her stomach turn.

-

“I ended up arguing with the principal and getting sent home,” Maggie says and Alex laughs into her palm. They’d been at the diner for over an hour and gone through two milkshakes each.

“Maybe you should have been a cop. The academy could have whipped you into shape,” Alex says and Maggie shrugs.

“I straightened myself out eventually. Well, in some senses,” Maggie says and Alex feels the corners of her mouth turn down. Alex notices the way Maggie watches her whenever she says something about her sexuality, as if she’s trying to suss her out. Part of Alex wants her notice. The other part, the much, much bigger part, really doesn’t.

If Maggie asks, Alex doesn’t know if she’s going to be able to deny it. And she’s been doing a really, really great job of denying it to herself for years. Whenever it bubbled to the surface, Alex would find a way to shove it down.

She doesn’t think she’ll be able to this time.

Alex clears her throat. “I should get back. It _is_ a school night after all,” she says and Maggie is still watching her. However, after a few moments, she nods. Maggie tosses a few dollar bills on the table and gives a nod to Darla on the way out.

Maggie settles on her bike and Alex climbs on behind her.

Alex’s hands end up at the base of Maggie’s tshirt. The edge creeps up, revealing a strip of skin that Alex can feel beneath her fingertips. Alex feels a shock up shoot up her arm. Most of her brain is telling her to move her hands, that she shouldn’t be touching the bare skin of a woman like this, but there’s a quieter voice that’s telling her to _enjoy_ it. As Maggie drives and the muscles beneath her skin clench, Alex decides to listen to that quieter voice (that maybe sounds just a little bit like Ellen).

There are butterflies in Alex’s stomach that she doesn’t try to squash. Not right now. While she’s on this bike, holding onto Maggie, she’s going to succumb to them. It might be temporary but Alex hasn’t found joy in much recently. She finds joy in this.

They pull up in front of Alex’s building entirely too soon. Alex slips off the bike and hands over her helmet to Maggie, who stays on her bike. Her own helmet is off though and she looks at Alex with a smirk. “Thanks for the company, Danvers,” she says. Alex smiles.

“ _I_ should be thanking you,” Alex says and it sounds a lot smoother in her head than it does out loud. Her words end up sounding shaky and nervous. Maggie just smiles though, as if she didn’t notice.

“See you tomorrow. Coffee’s on me,” she says before slipping her helmet on. She revs the engine, gives Alex one last nod, and she drives away.

Alex stays rooted in her spot, watching Maggie ride down the street, and she thinks that maybe this city might have something interesting for her after all.


	2. hit it out of the park before it even begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha so i changed the anticipated chapters from three to '?' bc....well, i started writing this chapter and i realized just how little time i covered so this so we're in for a longer ride than expected. my b.

Her apartment is empty. 

Not so much in the sense that there’s nothing there, there is, it just….feels empty. Kara isn’t coming in and out like she used to back in National City and her presence was what breathed life into the place.

She’s on a run when she spots a fluffy black cat in a window sill. He meows at her through the glass and Alex pauses. A paw reaches out and starts to scratch at the glass, as if he was trying to get to her, and Alex gets an idea.

She pulls her phone from her arm band and dials Kara’s number. She keeps her eyes on the cat, who still seems as if he’s desperately trying to escape. “Hello?” comes Kara’s voice from the opposite end.

“I’m going to get a cat,” she says. Kara squeals.

“Yes! Alex that’s such a great idea. You need something else alive in that apartment and the one cactus that you’ve had since college doesn’t count,” Kara replies. Alex scoffs.

“Hey, that cactus is the thing I’m most proud of. You try keeping something alive for almost ten years and get back to me,” Alex says. The cat has settled back down now and is just meowing now. “But you’re right. It’s too empty,” Alex adds. The owner has seemed to realize that the cat is trying to get at something now and is scooping him up. Alex catches her eye and attempts to smile. The older woman just gives her a strange look before closing the drapes.

“I support you. Send me pictures before you decide on one. I need a visual of my future niece or nephew,” Kara says and Alex laughs.

“Will do,” she replies. “I have to finish my run. I’ll call you later,” Alex says and Kara says goodbye before Alex hangs up.

Alex takes a detour through the park on her way home. She stops on a bench, just for a few moments, and watches. People pass her in pairs, chatting to friends or partners and Alex feels a pang in her chest.

Yeah, a cat is a good idea.

-

It’s Alex’s turn to bring coffee. Well, almost every day is Alex’s turn to bring coffee considering the only vehicle Maggie owns is her bike.

She’s sitting on a desk with her coffee between her legs while Maggie writes something on the chalkboard. “I think I’m going to get a cat,” she announces and Maggie’s hand stills against the chalkboard. Maggie turns, a smirk on her face.

“Yeah? Didn’t peg you as a cat person, Danvers,” Maggie says before returning her attention to the board. Alex shrugs.

“I’m not. I’m just...used to having someone to take care of,” Alex says, looking down at the rim of her cup. There’s a knot in her throat and she clears it. “I’m going to the shelter this afternoon,” Alex adds. Maggie turns, putting the piece of chalk down, and grabs a cloth to wipe her hands on. She raises an eyebrow.

“Want some company?” Maggie asks and Alex feels the familiar butterflies erupt in her stomach. Before she really even has a chance to think about it, she nods. Maggie grins. “Great.”

Alex wants to ask if Maggie’s girlfriend minds how much time Maggie is spending with Alex lately but she fears that if she calls attention to it, it’ll stop.

And Alex really, really doesn’t want it to stop.

Because Maggie is Alex’s only friend here and without her, well, she doesn’t have anybody. 

That’s the only reason.

Really.

“Better get to your classroom, Danvers, the bell’s about to ring,” Maggie says, pointing to the clock.

“Shit,” Alex says, pushing herself off the desk. “I’ll see you at lunch?” Alex asks and she really tries to keep any sort of hopefulness out of her voice. Maggie’s face scrunches up and Alex feels her heart sink.

“Can’t, I’ve got a lunch date,” Maggie says and Alex’s stomach clenches. She smiles though because they still haven’t really talked about sexuality, not yet, and it seems as if Maggie keeps waiting for Alex to not be okay with it. She can see it in her eyes. “See you later, Danvers,” Maggie says as Alex turns toward the door.

“See you,” Alex replies, with a short wave.

When Alex gets back into her classroom, she leans against a wall, knocking her head against it quite hard.

Maggie is her  _ friend _ . She shouldn’t be feeling like she’s losing out on something big whenever Maggie mentions her girlfriend.

She hears the voices of students in the hallway and straightens her back. She can’t deal with this now (or maybe ever).

She goes to her computer and sets up her powerpoint.

Her kids are the focus now. Not her feelings, whatever they may be, for Maggie Sawyer.

-

She isn’t saddled with caf duty today. Nobody forces it on her either so she’s able to enjoy her lunch in the lounge, quietly and without interruption because for the most part, the other teachers don’t seem to be too interested in her. She’s fine with that, really. She’s got Maggie and Alex thinks that she might be all of the friend that she can handle.

The earth science teacher, Julia, calls her name while she’s halfway through a game of scrabble on her phone. “Hey, Alex.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“What’s the deal with you and Maggie?” Julia asks and Alex furrows her brow. She feels her cheeks flushing and she hates her pale cheeks for exposing her feelings when she really, really wants to hide them.

“We’re uh, friends,” Alex says and Julia looks at her with narrowed eyes.

“Friends?” she says. Alex nods. “Hm, interesting.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex asks and Julia shrugs.

“Nothing, it’s just. Maggie Sawyer doesn’t make friends. We’ve,” she points to the other teachers who are sitting around her, “been trying to get her to come out for more than the occasional start of quarter drink with us for years. She’s never interested,” Julia pauses, looking Alex up and down with an appraising eye. “She seems interested in you.”

Alex’s stomach turns. She hopes her face doesn’t reveal just how affected by that statement she really is. “She’s been helping me get used to things around here. That’s all,” Alex says and she’s saved from explaining any more by the ringing of the bell. Alex rushes out of the lounge and attempts to calm her racing heartbeat.

It’s hard when her heartbeat is in sync with the syllables of the words:  _ Maggie Sawyer doesn’t make friends. _

-

When Maggie comes to her door at the end of the day, Alex’s head is still reeling from lunch.

“Hey Danvers, ready?” she asks and Alex nods. “You know where the shelter is?” Maggie asks as they walk out of the classroom. Alex shakes her head.

“I don’t but the GPS does,” she says with a smile.

“Cool. I’ll follow you then,” Maggie says and for a moment, Alex laments the fact that they won’t be able to share a car ride. Only for a moment.

The car ride is short and Alex spends most of it trying to calm her nerves. Alex can see Maggie following behind her in her rearview mirror and whenever they stop at a light, Alex watches her. She swears Maggie is watching her right back. They park and meet in front of the building. Maggie looks at Alex with a careful eye. “You ready?” she asks and Alex takes a deep breath.

“Yeah,” she answers. “This is a good decision,” Alex adds, mostly to herself because there’s nerves settling in the pit of her stomach because what if she’s no good at this? Kara stopped needing her, maybe she never really had, and maybe she’s just not the sort of person suited for a commitment of any sort. Even to a cat. Maggie smiles and swiftly grabs Alex’s hand. She squeezes it once before letting go. Alex’s face flushes and her stomach erupts into uncontrollable butterflies. That’s really starting to be inconvenient.

“Hey, this is going to be good for you,” Maggie says, earnestly and honestly, and a calm flows through her. Yeah. Okay. It  _ is  _ going to be going to be good for her. “Let’s go.”

The shelter is….a little overwhelming. There’s noises coming from all different directions. Barks from one end, chirps from another, and Alex really isn’t sure where to start. As she pauses to consider her next move, she feels Maggie’s hand slip into hers again. She tugs at Alex’s arm, pulling her toward the right side of building.

The room they enter is a cat lover’s dream. There’s cages all over the walls and the cats all seem to turn their attention to Maggie and Alex when they walk into the space.

Alex expects Maggie to let go of her hand. She doesn’t. Instead, her grip seems to tighten. “Know what you’re looking for, Danvers?” Maggie asks, glancing around the room nonchalantly as if she’s not sending Alex’s whole world into a new orbit with the grip of her fingers.

“No, this was an impulse choice. I didn’t have time to do much research,” Alex murmurs and she’s sure her face is flushed and she  _ hears  _ the crack in her voice. She isn’t staring down at their linked hands but she really, really wants to be.

“Alright, let’s take a right brain approach. See which one makes you feel something,” Maggie says and she pulls her toward a cage.

She never lets go of Alex’s hand.

-

It takes an hour but Alex finds a cat she likes.

She’s grey with pretty amber eyes and she curls herself up on Alex’s lap the moment they’re put into a meet and greet room. She nudges her face against Alex’s open palm and purrs. Alex knows she’s the one.

Maggie is leaning against the wall, a smile on her face, as she takes a picture of Alex petting the cat. “Want me to send it to you? You can send it to Kara,” Maggie says and Alex nods, entirely distracted by the beautiful cat in her lap. After a few moments, Maggie kneels down next to them and rubs the cat between her ears. “She’s a beauty,” Maggie says. “I’m more of a dog person myself but,” she adds, tilting her head in consideration. Alex smiles.

A volunteer peeks her head into the room. “How are you two doing in here?” she asks. Alex smiles.

“Great, thank you,” Alex replies. The volunteer smiles.

“I don’t mean to be forward but I just want to say, you two make a really beautiful couple,” she says, a slight flush in her cheeks and Alex’s head shoots up. Maggie is smirking and Alex’s mouth is hanging open.

“Oh, we um, she’s not,  _ we’re  _ not,” Alex scrambles and Maggie laughs.

“We’re not together. I’m not that lucky,” Maggie says and Alex’s cheeks are surely the the color of a Starbucks cup at Christmas. Her heart is racing and her stomach is turning and God, is is hot in here? The volunteer goes red, potentially even redder than Alex.

“Oh sorry, I saw you holding hands and just assumed. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you,” she says before pulling her out of the doorway quickly. Alex takes comfort in the fact that she’s probably more embarrassed than Alex is.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Maggie says after a few moments. Alex shakes her head.

“No, you didn’t. I uh, think I’m going to get that volunteer,” Alex says, her voice breathier than she wants. Maggie nods, her brows furrowed.

When Alex gets out of the room, she leans against the wall and takes a deep breath.

Maggie has a girlfriend. A girlfriend who is probably really beautiful if Maggie’s dating her and Maggie is being  _ friendly _ .

But God, how Alex wishes that she wasn’t. 

She can’t deny the way Maggie is making her feel. The way she feels the grooves of Maggie’s hand long after she’s let go. The way her heart leaps into her throat when she sees her.

It all means something.

The way her brain responded to the volunteer mistaking them for a couple is telling. Her first thought was  _ I wish _ .

So maybe she has a little, teensy, tiny crush on Maggie.

But it doesn’t have to mean anything. It can’t mean anything. Because Maggie has a girlfriend.

And well, Alex is Alex. 

Someone like Maggie wouldn’t look twice at someone like her. Not like that.

-

They’re filling out paperwork when Maggie’s phone rings. Alex expects her to answer it, especially when she looks at the screen at see’s  _ Babe  _ on the caller ID line. Instead, Maggie just silences it and looks back at Alex with a smile.

Alex walks out of the shelter with a cat in a box and bag full of overpriced supplies.

Maggie is grinning at her. “Congrats,” she says and Alex smiles.

“Thank you for coming with me,” Alex says sincerely. “You should probably call your girlfriend back,” Alex adds and Maggie purses her lips.

“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow, Danvers,” Maggie says.

Alex watches her go and tries to stop the sinking in her stomach. She fails.

-

Alex names her Rosalind Franklin.

Kara asks if she can call her Rosie and Alex tells her a firm no.

(Alex has a feeling she’s going to do it anyway. She’ll let her.)

She spends the whole night hiding underneath Alex’s couch. They told Alex that would probably happen so she doesn’t worry too much. 

It’s Saturday morning and she sits in front of the couch. She’s on the phone with Kara, who is trying to stifle a laugh. “Get off the floor, weirdo,” Kara says and Alex shakes her head.

“I can’t. I think I’m fused here now,” Alex replies.

“Would you get up for a burrito from your favorite food truck?” Kara asks.

“The one in Chicago?”

“Okay, from your  _ second  _ favorite food truck. The one that was always parked in Catco’s parking lot,” Kara says and Alex considers it.

“Yes,” Alex replies definitively.

“Good then you better get moving,” Kara says and almost simultaneously there’s a knock at the door. Alex’s eyes widen. She’s off the floor and to the door faster than she could even say ‘burrito’. She pulls open the door and on the other side is Kara, a brown bag in one hand, her phone in the other. “Hi,” Kara says, still into the phone. Alex face erupts into a grin. Her phone slips from her hand as she throws her arms around her sister.

“Oh my god, what are you doing here? You didn’t tell me you were coming,” Alex says into her sister’s hair. Kara’s grip is tight and Alex feels herself truly relax for the first time in weeks.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Kara says.

“I’m definitely surprised,” Alex replies and she still hasn’t let go of Kara.

“A good kind of surprised, I hope,” she says and Alex nods. There’s a lump in her throat and she knows that if she keeps hold of Kara for any longer, she’s going to cry. She pulls back and Kara is grinning at her. “I missed you,” Kara says and Alex nods, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I missed you too, Kara,” Alex replies and her voice is shaking. Kara lifts the brown bag and wiggles her eyebrows.

“C’mon, it was a long drive, I’m starving,” Kara says dramatically. Alex laughs.

She looks around the apartment, the light flooding in through the windows, and she thinks it’s no coincidence that this is the first time this place has felt like home.

-

They’re going to eat their weight in food. It’s always their go to plan. 

After they finish the burritos, they order pizza and potstickers. Rosalind Franklin comes out from underneath the couch for a few moments but Kara squeals just a little too loudly and scares her back under the couch. Alex hits her gently with the back of her hand. “Stop scaring my cat. I need her to like me,” Alex says and Kara wrinkles her nose.

“I want to pet her,” Kara says with a small pout. Alex smiles.

“Maybe next trip,” Alex replies. “When do you have to go back?” Alex asks because as much as she’s enjoying this she knows it can’t last and she’d rather have some time to prepare for it.

“Tomorrow. But let’s not focus on that now. Tell me about work,” Kara says excitedly and Alex tells her about her classes, about Julia.

About Maggie.

“She picked me up on her motorcycle,” Alex says and Kara’s eyebrows raise nearly into hairline.

“You rode bitch?” Kara asks incredulously. Alex laughs and nods. “Well I need to meet the girl who got  _ you  _ on the back of a bike,” Kara says with a smile.

“Yeah, she’s really great. I….,”  _ Really like her  _ is what Alex wants to say next but she trails off because maybe she’s not ready to confess just yet. Kara’s eyes are questioning and the words are in Alex’s throat - she can  _ feel  _ them.

“Yeah?” Kara prompts.

Alex swallows them.

She’s saved from any further probing by a knock on the door. “Food,” Kara says enthusiastically and Alex chuckles.

Alex grabs her wallet from the counter and she opens the door, a twenty in her hands. Any potential words die in her mouth when she sees who’s behind the door.

Maggie.

She’s grinning, a few coffees in her hands. Alex must look really surprised because Maggie’s grin starts to fade. “Hey Danvers,” she says and Alex straightens her back.

“Hi, Maggie. What are you doing here?” Alex asks, glancing back at Kara who is watching the two of them with a smile on her face.

“I just wanted to check in, see how you were doing. I didn’t realize you had company,” Maggie says, looking past Alex toward Kara.

“That’s Kara,” Alex says and recognition dawns on Maggie’s face.

“Your sister? That’s great. I didn’t realize she was visiting. I’ll go,” Maggie says and Alex is about to agree when Kara jumps up from the couch and shakes her head.

“No, no, come in!” Kara says and Alex tries to send her a warning look out of the corner of her eye but she’s pointedly not looking at Alex. Maggie is though. She’s watching Alex quite carefully. Well there’s no way she can say no  _ now _ .

Okay. She can handle this. Kara and Maggie in the same room. 

Maggie might know how important Kara is to Alex but Kara has  _ no  _ idea what Maggie means to her.

She just hopes it won’t be written all over her face.

“I’ve heard all about you from Alex, it’s so nice to meet you!” Kara says enthusiastically and Maggie glances over to Alex with a quirked eyebrow.

“Only good things I hope,” Maggie says with her eyes still focused on Alex. Her cheeks pink up.

“The best,” Kara says sincerely and Maggie smiles. There’s another knock at the door and Kara rushes to it before Alex even has a chance.

“Going soft on me, Danvers?” Maggie asks with a smirk. Alex shakes her head.

“She’s my best friend. I tell her everything,” Alex replies and Maggie’s smile fades, just slightly, while she nods.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Maggie replies as Kara comes bounding back over with the pizza in her arms. The look in Maggie’s eyes is wistful and longing. Alex doesn’t have much time to ponder it because it’s gone in a flash. Kara opens the box and lets out a rather….inhuman noise.

“I could eat this entire box,” Kara says and Alex snorts.

“I’ve seen what happens to you after too many pieces of pizza. Don’t push it,” Alex says with a smirk. Kara furrows her brow and picks a piece of pepperoni off of the pie. She tosses it at Alex, who catches it in her mouth. Alex’s eyebrow raises and Kara laughs.

“Next time my aim won’t be as good,” Kara says, pointing at her with one finger. Alex shrugs, picking up a piece of pizza of her own from the box. Maggie is standing off to the side, watching them with a look on her face that Alex can’t quite understand. She picks up her phone, which Alex is fairly certain never went off, and makes a face at it.

“Sorry Danvers,” Maggie says and both Kara and Alex look up. Maggie nods at Kara, “and little Danvers, I’ve gotta go.” Alex frowns. “My girlfriend got back into town early. I owe her a dinner date,” Maggie adds, noticing Alex’s expression. Alex nods, looking back down at her pizza, which suddenly doesn’t look very appealing. “Walk me out?” Maggie says and Alex nods.

“Yeah, of course,” Alex says. She slides off the stool and carefully avoids Kara’s eyes.

Maggie pauses on the outside of the doorway with a small smirk. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your night with Kara,” Maggie says and Alex shakes her head.

“You didn’t,” Alex assures. Maggie shakes her head and Alex suddenly feels like she could spend hours, days,  _ months,  _ assuring Maggie that she wasn’t a burden. That her presence didn’t take away anything - it added so much and if Alex could have her here all of the time she would because the world seems brighter when she’s around.

But Maggie has a girlfriend she needs to get to and Alex has a sister who’s going to end up with terrible gas if Alex doesn’t stop her from eating the entire pizza.

So she doesn’t say anything at all.

“Enjoy your weekend, Danvers, I’ll see you on Monday,” Maggie says with a small smile and she starts to walk down the hallway. Before she gets too far, Alex calls,

“Maggie.”

She turns, only just, “yeah, Danvers?”

And Alex doesn’t know what it is she wants to say.  _ Stay _ is at the top of her list.  _ You’re important  _ is next. But all of those words die in her throat.

“Have a good date,” is what she settles on. Maggie nods.

She leaves and Alex watches her retreating back.

Alex finds she really doesn’t enjoy watching Maggie walk from her.

When Alex gets back into the kitchen, Kara is already halfway through her third piece of pizza. It’s halfway to her mouth and her hand freezes. “This is my last one,” she says with her mouth full. Any leftover tension leaves her shoulders and she laughs. Alex shakes her head and settles back onto a stool and grabs the piece she’d left behind.

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex says bemusedly. “When you wake me up in the middle of the night with your horrible gas, I get to say I told you so.”

Kara laughs and Alex takes a deep breath - right now, she’s going to focus on Kara.

Everything else can wait.

-

When they wake up Sunday morning, Rosalind Franklin is sitting on the edge of the bed. Alex nudges Kara, who had been scrolling through the news on her phone, with her elbow. “Don’t freak out but the cat is on the bed,” Alex says through the corner of her mouth.

Of course, Kara freaks out.

Rosalind Franklin disappears underneath the bed and Alex collapses against her pillow. “Get out,” Alex says softly, teasingly, and Kara slaps her hand against Alex’s shoulder.

“I don’t understand, animals  _ love  _ me,” Kara says. Alex shakes her head.

“You must be losing your touch,” Alex says, pressing her fingers to Kara’s shoulder. “Yep, just like I thought. Cold and unloveable,” Alex adds and Kara laughs. 

“Shut up,” Kara says. She shifts so her head is resting against Alex’s shoulder. Alex glances down at Kara and there’s a sad expression on her face that’s been there since she got here and Alex gets the feeling that Kara didn’t come just because she missed her. 

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Alex asks and Kara looks away from her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kara says matter-of-factly and Alex snorts.

“Kara, I know you better than you know you. I know when something’s wrong,” Alex says and Kara sighs.

“It’s James. Kind of,” Kara says and she shifts again, sitting up straight. “You know how his girlfriend came into town? Well I think she’s staying, for good, and Alex, I don’t know what to do,” Kara says, her voice getting more and more frantic the more that she speaks. Alex tilts her head.

“Oh, Kara. I’m so sorry,” Alex says and Kara looks down, playing with the blanket. When she looks back up, there’s tears welling in her eyes.

“You know, she’s amazing. Smart, talented,  _ beautiful _ , and I don’t think I could compete with her even if I wanted to,” Kara says quietly and Alex feels her heart break in her chest. Kara is….everything that’s good in this world. She’s sunshine. She’s happiness.

The idea that Kara doesn’t see just how brightly she shines? Well that just makes Alex furious. 

She wraps her arms around her sister’s shoulders. “Kara, you’re perfect. If James doesn’t love you for everything amazing that you are, then it’s his loss,” Alex says and Kara laughs.

“Thank you. Just being here made me feel better. No matter what, I know you’ll always love me,” Kara says and Alex squeezes.

“Of course. Unless you keep scaring my cat away, then all bets are off,” Alex says and Kara laughs. Kara rests her head against Alex’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to go back,” Kara whispers.

“You’re always welcome to my futon,” Alex replies and Kara smiles.

They stay there for quite some time. Long enough for Rosalind Franklin to peer out from underneath the bed. Kara managed to stay calm this time and she was out in the open for a total of one whole minute before scampering back beneath the bed.

It’s nearing noon when Kara says she has to leave. Alex frowns.

“I’ll call when I get in,” Kara says and Alex nods. They hug and when Kara pulls away, she puts her hands on her shoulders. “It was really good to see you, Alex,” Kara says. “And tell Maggie it was nice to meet her,” she adds and that makes Alex’s face flush.

Alex knows it’s just a friendly statement, because as lovely as Kara is, she isn’t the most perceptive.

And well, Alex  _ did  _ tell her to forget that she’d ever said anything about liking girls so as far as Kara knows, Alex realized it was a phase and liked boys again. She would have to correct that eventually.

Just. Not right now.

“I will. Drive safe,” Alex says, leaning in to hug her again.

Kara flashes her one last smile before walking down the hallway and out of sight.

Alex thought it would get easier, saying goodbye to her sister after she’s done it once, but it doesn’t.

She still feels like she’s being punched in the gut.

Maybe it’s the dark clouds outside but the apartment suddenly feels a lot darker.

-

Maggie rides her motorcycle to school.

Every single day.

Alex isn’t stalking her or anything weird like that. She’s just taken to meeting her in the parking lot in the mornings, two cups of coffee in hand, so they can walk to their classrooms together. It doesn’t mean anything.

It’s mid-September and the first rainy day since Alex moved here. She has an umbrella in one hand, a coffee carrier in the other, and she waits beneath a tree. The rain bounces off the umbrella and Alex twists her wrist to glance at her watch. Maggie’s late. Well, later than usual. Not that Alex keeps track of when she gets to school. That would be creepy and obsessive and Alex was certainly not that.

Alex is thinking about just heading inside and leaving the now cool cup on Maggie’s desk when she hears the familiar roar of an engine. Maggie pulls into her spot and she’s clearly soaking wet. Alex walks over to her and the first thing she notices is that she’s shaking. Quickly, Alex shifts the umbrella so it’s covering the both of them. Maggie gives her a half smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Do you always ride your bike in the rain?” Alex asks as Maggie gets her things together. She huffs.

“It wasn’t raining when I started riding,” she grumbles. Maggie slings her bag over her shoulder. She starts to walk, away from the cover of the umbrella, and Alex hurries to catch up with her. Maggie’s gait is quick and they’re in the building quickly. Alex stops to close the umbrella but Maggie keeps walking, as if she didn’t even notice that Alex had stopped.

“Maggie,” Alex calls and Maggie pauses. She turns her head and her expression softens.

“Sorry, Danvers,” she says as she backtracks. She grabs the coffees from her hand, which allows Alex to fully close the umbrella. Maggie is directly in front of her now and Alex scans her face. Her eyes are tired, as evidenced by the bags beneath them, and Alex is fairly certain that she’s wearing yesterday’s clothes. “Long night,” Maggie says when she notices Alex’s steady gaze. Alex tilts her head.

“Want to talk about it?” Alex asks because Maggie has listened to her vent and rant more times than she can count in the past few weeks and she figures it’s time she return the favor. Maggie just shakes her head.

“Not right now. I just want to change and have a cup of coffee,” Maggie says and Alex tries not to take it personally. 

“Okay. I’ll just uh, be in my classroom if you need anything,” Alex says and Maggie nods, her smile still tight and small. She hands back one of the coffee cups and walks the stairs, ahead of Alex, who just watches her with a frown.

Rationally, she knows it probably doesn’t have anything to do with her but something about the sadness on Maggie’s face….affects her. 

Maggie is too beautiful, too lovely, to wear a frown like that.

-

Alex can’t sit in her classroom during her free period, not today.

She’s been distracted all day, her head still in the weekend, with Maggie, with Kara.

So she walks down the hallway. She intends to take a few laps of the hallway to distract herself but she ends up in front of Maggie’s door.

Maggie is sitting on her desk, talked animatedly about cave paintings and Alex feels a smile creep up onto her face.

She hasn’t seen Maggie teach before. Sure, she’s heard a lot from her students, they all love her, but seeing her in action is really something else.

Maggie is oozing passion. Her words are excited and there’s a real, genuine smile on her face. Alex finds herself enraptured. 

And then Maggie is looking directly at her and Alex’s cheeks flush. Maggie winks at her before turning her attention back to her students, all of whom clearly noticed the exchange if their giggles are anything to do by.

Alex slips away before she ends up staying til the end of the period.

She laps around the floor a few more times before the bell rings.

She opts to eat in her classroom today, not eager to engage in another interaction with Julia. Alex knows they’re  _ in  _ a high school but she never realized that it was going to really going to be like she was actually in high school again.

Alex is in the middle of her salad when there’s a knock on her door. “Come in,” she says and the door opens. It’s Maggie.

“Enjoy my lesson on cave paintings today?” Maggie says and Alex hangs her head, rubbing at the back of her neck with her hand.

“I was….passing by,” Alex says and Maggie chuckles.

“Sorry about this morning,” Maggie says and Alex’s back straightens. Maggie looks down at the floor and Alex can’t help but feel like she’s not done.

Maggie leans against one of the desks. “I got into a fight with my girlfriend last night,” Maggie starts and there’s a strange, excited feeling in Alex’s stomach.

“What happened?” Alex asks and Maggie looks up, a small smirk on her face.

“She uh, was mad that I was with you when she got back into town,” Maggie says and Alex’s breath catches. “She’s jealous that I’m spending time with you,” Maggie continues and the butterflies are unmistakable now. “I told her she doesn’t have anything to worry about because we’re just friends. Right?” Maggie says and oh God, there’s  _ no  _ way she’s asking what Alex thinks she’s asking.

There’s a strange look on Maggie’s face, one that Alex can’t quite identify. Alex swallows and nods.

“Yeah, right, of course. We’re just friends,” Alex affirms and Maggie bites her lip. She nods though it seems to be more to herself. “What else happened?” Alex asks because her heart is racing and if the room were silent for any longer, Alex was sure Maggie would be able to hear how hard and fast her heart was beating.

“I told her she was overreacting, she got pissed and stormed out. Told me that she needed some time to think,” Maggie says, voice low and defeated.

“I’m sorry, Maggie,” Alex says.

She isn’t.

Not really.

“Not your fault, Danvers,” Maggie says except, well, it kind of is.

And there’s a part of her that wants to stand up and say that no, Maggie isn’t  _ just  _ her friend but there’s a broken look on Maggie’s face and Alex has a feeling this fight is affecting her more than she let on. “She’ll come around, Maggie. She’d be a total idiot if she let you go,” Alex says and it’s as close to honest as she’s going to get.

Maggie smiles now, a real and true one. “Thanks, Danvers,” Maggie says and she stands up, walking over toward Alex. She sits on the edge of her desk. “How about you? There anyone special in your life?” Maggie asks and Alex laughs, a little too loudly and a little too unconvincingly.

“Uh, nope, no one. Nobody at all,” Alex replies. Maggie watches her as if she’s searching for something in her face. She looks away.

“That’s too bad. You’re pretty great, Danvers, you deserve someone good,” Maggie says and everything in Alex is shouting  _ YOU YOU YOU _ . She bites her lip though because now is far from the time.

Alex isn’t sure there’s ever going to be a time.

“Thanks, Maggie,” Alex says and she hopes she doesn’t sound as breathless as she feels.

“How was your weekend with Kara?” Maggie asks, changing the subject and Alex smiles.

“It was nice. I needed some sister time,” Alex says and Maggie smiles though it seems halfhearted. There’s that wistful look in her eyes again and Alex wishes she knew why it was there. “She said it was nice to meet you,” Alex adds and Maggie raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah it was nice to meet her too,” Maggie says and she shifts herself so she’s facing Alex now. Maggie’s eyes aren’t on her though - they’re on the picture of Kara and Alex sitting on the corner of the desk. “She seems really great,” Maggie says. Alex nods.

“She’s….my better half,” Alex says and Maggie’s face is suddenly unreadable.

“I should get back before the bell rings. I’ll see you later, Danvers,” Maggie says, slipping off the desk and out of the room before Alex has a chance to come up with a response.

She watches Maggie’s retreating back and tries to figure out exactly what she should make of that conversation.

She never quite manages.

-

Alex stays late. She has student work to grade and no real desire to go home to an empty apartment.

She’s on her way out when she notices Maggie’s door is still open.

Alex moves to knock on the door and ask what she’s still doing here but she freezes in her tracks when she sees that Maggie isn’t alone. There’s a tall blonde woman in there with her. She’s gripping Maggie’s hands and Alex knows she should walk away but then she moves closer and kisses Maggie square on the mouth and Alex’s jaw clenches.

So that was Maggie’s girlfriend. Of course she was tall, blonde, and beautiful. Alex doesn’t know why she really expected anything different. They look good next to each other, any fool would be able to see that.

And Alex knew that she existed, knew that Maggie cared very deeply about her, maybe even loved her, so this shouldn’t hurt so much.

Except it does.

It really does.

Her stomach clenches and she kind of wants to hit something.

Alex doesn’t want to be caught staring so she forces herself to turn around and make her way to her car.

When she gets home, Rosalind Franklin is in the window, pawing at the rain droplets falling on the window. Alex reaches a hand down to pet her and she nuzzles her head against Alex’s hand. There’s a warmth in her stomach and she thanks her past self for making this decision.

It’s a hard night.

There’s a desire burning deep in her stomach that she hasn’t felt in quite some time. She wants a drink.

It’s raining so she can’t go for a run so she picks up her phone and does the next best thing.

The phone rings for a few moments before a voice on the other send says, “Hello?” and a calm spreads over her.

“Hi, J’onn. It’s me,” Alex says softly, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“Alex Danvers, I thought you forgot about me,” J’onn says and Alex laughs.

“Impossible,” Alex replies.

“Are you alright?” he asks and Alex takes a deep breath.

“I want a drink,” Alex says and there’s not a lot of her that wants to explain  _ why _ but that’s the reason she called J’onn. He didn’t always ask why. He just talked her through the feeling and how to fight it.

When she first joined AA, she was skeptical. As a scientist - well, almost a scientist, she didn’t feel like something like this could help her.

But she almost  _ died _ . She woke up in a hospital bed with IV’s attached to her and a crying Kara holding her hand with no recollection of how she’d gotten there.

The doctor’s told her that she was lucky. That if she’d had anything more or come in any later, she probably would have died.

She never really felt lucky. It took her a long time to start to feel like her survival wasn’t a mistake, for her to feel like she deserved to live.

Because she’d lost everything in exchange for the bottle.

Alex agreed to go to AA at the insistence of her sister, who looked at her with pure fear in her eyes and said that if she didn’t get help, she was going to die and Kara couldn’t stand to bury another family member.

She met J’onn her first week. He was kind and welcoming and gave her his number to call if she ever felt like taking a drink. Any day of the week, any hour of the day, he would answer.

And so she did.

She credits J’onn with saving her life.

Without him, she wouldn’t have been able to stay strong for three years now.

She doesn’t need to call as often anymore, her desire to drink has dwindled to nearly zero, but sometimes it all gets to be too much and even though they’re hundreds of miles apart, Alex knows J’onn will be there for her.

Alex talks through the past few weeks and after she does, she feels quite a bit better.

“Thanks for listening,” Alex says. J’onn chuckles.

“That’s what I’m here for, Alex,” he replies.

“How are the kids?” Alex asks because of the years, she’s gotten to know J’onn’s family. His wife and his daughters are as kind as he is.

“Good, they miss you. I’ll send you their school pictures when we get them,” J’onn says and Alex grins.

They say their goodbyes after that and Alex leans her head back against the couch. Rosalind Franklin is resting her head on Alex’s leg and she focuses on that.

There are days when it’s hard to focus on the good things. When all she feels is anger because this isn’t the life she imagined. This isn’t the life she was on track for until everything got fucked up.

But right here, in this moment, she feels okay.

And that’s a start.

-

The week goes by quickly.

She barely sees Maggie and she tries not to let it bother her. She knows that Maggie needs to focus on her relationship and maybe that means avoiding Alex. She gets it.

Doesn’t make it hurt less.

It’s Friday and she’s getting ready to leave when Maggie shows up at her door, wearing athletic shorts and a tank top and Alex really thinks  _ that  _ should be illegal.   “Good, I wanted to catch you before you left,” Maggie says and Alex furrows her brow.

“Did you need something?” Alex asks and maybe she’s being a little cold but Maggie’s barely said anything to her, besides ‘thank you for the coffee’ in four days. She thinks it might be warranted.

“I wanted to see if you were free tonight,” Maggie says and her eyes are soft and excited and fuck, Alex really couldn’t stay mad at her for long.

“Yeah, I’m free,” Alex replies and Maggie grins.

“Good. I’ll be by at eight,” Maggie says. Before she goes, Alex calls for her. “Yeah?” she asks and Alex smirks, gesturing to her outfit.

“What’s with the get up?” Alex asks and Maggie smiles.

“I’m the field hockey coach, Danvers. Practices just started,” Maggie says and  _ oh _ . She smiles again before jogging away and Alex is stuck in her spot, the image of Maggie playing field hockey stuck in her brain.

Alex isn’t sure she’s ever going to recover from that.

-

Alex doesn’t know what to expect. Maggie was vague in her invitation and she’s not sure how she should dress or if they’re even going out. She dresses casually but she’s got another outfit lined up just in case. 

There’s a knock at her door a few minutes after eight.

When she opens the door, Maggie is on the other side with two big grocery bags in her arms.

“What is this?” Alex asks, amused and Maggie puts the bags on the counter.

“I noticed your habit of eating mostly takeout. My girlfriend is out of town, again, and I didn’t want to cook for one,” Maggie explains as she starts taking things out of the bags.

Alex doesn’t think about the fact that Maggie is only here because her girlfriend isn’t around because she’s  _ here  _ and she’s making Alex dinner.

If Alex pretends hard enough, it’s almost as if this were a date.

Rosalind Franklin meows and walks over to Maggie, wrapping herself around her ankle. Alex’s eyes widen. “How’d you do that?” Alex asks and Maggie looks down. She smirks.

“Cats like me,” Maggie says and Alex pouts as she sits on a stool at the island. “Hope you like chicken,” Maggie says and Alex nods.

“I do,” she replies. “If you need help finding anything, I probably can’t help you. Kara put everything away and I haven’t used anything since I moved in,” Alex adds. Maggie laughs, opening cupboards until she finds what she needs.

They make small talk while Maggie cooks. Alex, for the most part, stays seated. Maggie only asks her to get plates.

Maggie serves up the food and Alex lets out an excited moan when she gets a whiff of the food in front of her. “Where’d you learn to cook like this?” Alex asks and Maggie smirks.

“Take a bite before you praise me too much, Danvers,” Maggie says and when she does, she just moans again. Maggie is smiling. “My mom taught me to cook. I uh, didn’t have too many friends in high school so I was home a lot. My mom got sick of me moping and started teaching me how to cook,” Maggie explains and it’s the first real information that Alex has gotten about Maggie’s past.

“She did an incredible job because this is amazing,” Alex says and Maggie smiles.

“I’ll tell her you said so,” Maggie replies before looking down at her plate.

They make small talk over their meals, mostly about work and the kids, and it’s  _ nice _ .

Maggie laughs and Alex’s heart rate rises and Alex thinks that maybe this is what it feels like to be happy.

-

They end up on the couch.

Maggie started off on the opposite end but they’re pressed together thigh to thigh now.

They’re watching some show that Alex can’t really focus on because Maggie is really, really close to her. Their arms are touching and their fingers keep brushing and Alex is fairly sure she’s going to combust.

She feels like a teenager again. Well, actually, she feels like how she should have felt as a teenager. She never had crushes like this back then, at least not ones she was conscious of.

Every time Maggie laughs, there’s a jolt in her stomach and Alex finds herself wishing that she could hear the sound again.

Alex doesn’t consider herself a consciously funny person. She’s not a joker but she tries to be in order to hear Maggie laugh again.

“Maggie, this show is ridiculous,” Alex says and Maggie laughs.

“I know. I wanted to see how long you could sit through it,” Maggie replies and Alex tries to glare but it’s ruined by the bright smile on her face. She knocks Maggie’s shoulder with her own.

“Jerk,” Alex mutters.

“Nerd,” Maggie fires back and Alex shakes her head.

Maggie turns off the TV and Alex freezes because she really, really doesn’t want Maggie to leave quite yet.

“Want to go somewhere?” Maggie asks and Alex raises an eyebrow.

Immediately she knows the answer is yes because Alex is starting to realize that she would go wherever Maggie asked her to without even a second thought.

Alex ends up on the back of Maggie’s bike again.

It’s more difficult to focus this time because Alex is….aware of how she feels but she tries not to dwell on it.

She fails.

Hard.

They end up at a bowling alley. Maggie takes off her helmet and Alex raises an eyebrow. “You’re taking me bowling?” Alex asks and she tries to get her heart to adjust back to its normal pace because this is really, really starting to feel like a date.

Maggie buys them two games.

As tentative as she is to put on someone’s old shoes, she’s actually quite excited. She hasn’t been bowling in years and the excited look on Maggie’s face makes it worth it.

And as it turns out, Maggie is really, really bad at bowling.

Like cosmically bad.

Alex is laughing as Maggie throws her fourth consecutive gutter ball. “Oh laugh it up, Danvers. Next time we’re going to laser tag and I’ll show you who’s boss,” Maggie says and that shuts her right up.

_ Next time _ .

Just friends. They’re….just friends. Friends who hang out on Friday nights and make each other dinner.

That kind of friends.

Maggie collapses into the seat next to her. “Good thing we didn’t bet on this,” Maggie says and Alex chuckles.

“It’s not too late, we’ve still got another game,” Alex says and Maggie gets an excited glint in her eye. “Don’t even think about it Sawyer. I’d kick your ass and you’d be out more than just the cost of the games,” Alex says. Maggie shakes her head.

“You’re buying next time,” Maggie says and there’s those pesky butterflies again.

Maggie is staring and Alex is staring right back. They’re close, closer than is probably socially acceptable for two friends to be and if Alex leaned in even a little, their lips would be touching. Alex glances down at Maggie’s lips and God, she  _ wants  _ to.

Except Maggie has a girlfriend and they’re just  _ friends _ .

From behind them, a call of “Ms. Sawyer!” pulls them away from each other.

A group of kids that Alex recognizes from the hallways, though none of them look to be students of hers, are standing behind them and Maggie shoots up and walks toward them.

Alex is grateful for the distraction because she needed a moment to gather her thoughts.

They could have kissed. They came close. 

She doesn’t stop thinking about it the rest of the night. When she’s on the back of Maggie’s bike on the way home, Alex thinks that if she wanted to, she could just….kiss Maggie’s neck.

She could.

She wouldn’t. 

Maggie drops her off and looks at her with a smile. “Keep the leftovers,” she says before driving away.

Alex wanders up the stairs to her apartment with a smile that she doesn’t shake for the entire weekend.

On Monday, when she gets to work, there’s buzz throughout the hallways. Owen, a boy in her second period chemistry class, comes up to her with an excited smile. “Ms. Danvers, is it true?” he asks and Alex raises an eyebrow.

“That we’re learning about balancing chemical equations today? Yes,” Alex replies and Owen shakes his head.

“No! That you and Ms. Sawyer are dating!” He exclaims and Alex freezes in her place.

Oh.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im agtalexdanvers @ tumblr. hit me up there if you want talk about this fic, any of my other au's, or want to just flail about sanvers.


	3. it seems you are wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew this one's an emotional roller coaster. lotsa angst, some happiness, and some more angst. enjoy ;) i hope you all have a happy holiday season and very happy new year. cheers to 2016 being over soon am i right.

Alex isn’t hiding.

Really. She isn’t.

She’s just….sitting at her desk with the door closed. That’s not hiding.

Alex is resting her head against her folded arms, her head reeling.

_ “Ms. Danvers, is it true?” he asks and Alex raises an eyebrow. _

_ “That we’re learning about balancing chemical equations today? Yes,” Alex replies and Owen shakes his head. _

_ “No! That you and Ms. Sawyer are dating!” He exclaims and Alex freezes in her place. _

_ Her mouth falls open and Owen’s smile grows. “Oh uh, no. Ms. Sawyer and I are just friends. Coworkers,” she tries to explain and Owen frowns. _

_ “But Julian said he saw the two of you on a date,” Owen says and Alex takes a deep breath. _

_ “No. We weren’t on a date,” Alex replies because this is a student and she doesn’t owe him any more explanation than that. Owen looks rather put out. “Now go get your things, the bell is going to ring soon and I don’t think you want a detention for being late to homeroom,” Alex adds and Owen’s frown deepens but he walks away anyway.  _

_ Alex slips into her classroom and leans her head against the wall. Fuck. _

All day, at least so far, her students have been asking her if she’s dating Maggie.

Even Julia came over to her before first period and asked if it was true. When Alex just glared at her, she backed off, grumbling something under her breath. 

She was barely able to get through her lessons but she did manage. When her free period came around, she shut her door and sunk into her chair.

She’s embarrassed and maybe a little nervous. Her sexuality is barely something she’s okay with herself, let alone something she’s okay with the whole school speculating on.

The kids she can deal with. Kids everywhere are the same. They see two people interact, especially two people who orbit in their space frequently, and they see something that isn’t there.

Or in this case, see something that’s only partly there.

They’ll move on quickly enough when something else happens. It’s….everybody else. It’s Maggie. It’s Julia. It’s the rest of the staff.

Alex doesn’t lie well. She never has. And when confronted with the inevitable ‘wait, I didn’t know you were gay’ comments, Alex isn’t sure that she’s going to be able to lie.

Especially not to Maggie.

There’s a knock on the door and every part of her is saying not to address it. To just….ignore whoever it is and hope they go away.

They don’t. The knocking continues and finally, Alex relents and calls out a, “come in.” She turns her head for a moment to see who it is.

It’s Maggie. Of  _ course  _ it is. She turns her head back into her arms.

“Hey Danvers, you alright?” Maggie asks and Alex sighs.

“Define alright,” she replies, her voice muffled. There’s shuffling next to her and when she looks up, Maggie is hovering next to her, a concerned furrow in her brow.

“I heard we’re dating,” Maggie says with a small smile and Alex’s lips purse. She flinches and it’s involuntary, accidental, but it says more than she ever could. Maggie’s smile falls. “Is something wrong, Danvers?” Maggie asks and there’s a hard edge to her voice that Alex hasn’t heard before.

But Alex doesn’t know how to answer her.

She doesn’t know how to say yes but no. She doesn’t know how to explain the discomfort in the pit of her stomach without upsetting Maggie.

Maggie is staring at her with a hard expression and it’s like every wall of Maggie’s that Alex had worked to break down is back up again. Alex swallows.

“I don’t know, Maggie,” Alex says, her voice low. Maggie lets out a long, deep breath. She stands up, shaking her head.

“Well you come find me when you can give me an answer, Danvers,” Maggie replies, heated in a way that Alex hasn’t ever heard before. 

Maggie walks out of the room before Alex’s brain has a chance to catch up.

Great.

That went….horribly.

Alex buries her head back her arms, hoping to relax away the rest of her lunch period.

Except there’s another knock on the door. Her heart leaps into her throat and foolishly, she hopes that it’s Maggie. So she calls out another “come in.”

It isn’t Maggie. This time it’s Julia. Alex’s jaw clenches and she’s ready to tell her to leave when Julia holds her hands up. “Hey, I come in peace,” she says, glancing around the classroom. “This is nice,” she comments and Alex leans back against her chair.

“Thanks,” Alex replies. “Why are you here, Julia?” Alex asks because she really isn’t in the mood for small talk right now. Julia looks back at her.

“I saw Maggie storming out of here. I guess you two are dealing with the rumor situation well,” Julia says and Alex takes a deep breath. “It’s just teenage gossip. It’ll pass. I promise even the faculty will forget once the art teacher comes to work drunk again,” Julia says and Alex tilts her head and watches her. Julia’s eyes are soft and honest. It’s….interesting. It’s not the sort of interaction she’s used to having with her but Alex does admit that it’s a welcome change. Alex stays quiet and Julia continues, “I just wanted to say that if you need someone to talk to about anything, I’m here,” Julia says before nodding to herself. She turns to walk away but Alex starts to speak.

“We’re not….dating,” Alex says and Julia pauses. When she turns around, there’s a bright grin on her face.

“But?” Julia asks. Alex sighs.

“But nothing. She has a girlfriend,” Alex says and Julia tilts her head.

“There’s always a but, Alex,” Julia says and the confession is on the tip of her tongue. She opens her mouth and there’s a real part of her that wants to blurt the words out.

But it doesn’t feel right.

It doesn’t feel right for Julia to be the first person that she tells. So she just shrugs.

“Maybe,” Alex says evenly, not giving too much away. Julia watches her contemplatively. 

“So, I’m gonna offer my two cents,” Julia says and Alex raises an eyebrow because really, she never asked - but Alex is starting to get the sense that Julia never really waited for anyone to ask. “I meant it when I said that Maggie doesn’t make friends. She’s reserved, always in her own head. But ever since you got here? She’s wherever you are and looking at you like you hung the moon,” she pauses and looks up, a small smile on her face. “Which, technically, you did,” she says, pointing to the construction paper moon on the wall. Alex smirks at that. “So take my word for it, or don’t, but I know a crush when I see one,” Julia finishes and Alex lets out a deep breath. Normally, a statement like that would make her body fill with butterflies but instead it just feels like there’s a cement block making a home in her stomach. Julia gives her a half smile and starts to walk out of the room.

Alex thinks about just letting her go, letting her walk away, but instead, she reiterates, “she has a girlfriend.”

Julia turns around and wrinkles her nose.

“You know, I think sometimes feelings just want to happen. Timing might be shitty but love,  _ life _ , just….wants to happen,” Julia says. “It’ll work itself out,” she adds before turning away.

Once Julia is out of sight, Alex laughs to herself.

In the span of an hour, she might have lost her first friend here but made her second.

Yeah, life does have a funny way of working itself out.

Just not in the way Alex wanted.

-

The rest of the day passes in something of a haze. There’s part of her that just wants to put on video of Bill Nye and rest but that would be a disservice to her students and she won’t let her personal life affect her professional life. So she teaches like she normally would, she supervises a study hall, and when the final bell rings, she shuts her door and slinks into her desk chair again.

She wishes she could scream. That she could open up the window and yell.

Or maybe punch something.

Just. Anything to get rid of the heavy feeling in her stomach.

There’s a knock on the door and it’s a weird sort of deja vu. She swallows the lump in her throat that’s been lodged there all day before calling, “come in.”

It’s Maggie, her hands shoved in the pockets of her pants. There’s no smile on her face, no familiar twinkle in her eye. She looks….blank.

“Maggie,” Alex says, breathlessly, like her name’s taken the air from her lungs.

(Maybe it has.)

Maggie holds up a hand. She swallows and Alex sees her throat bob. “I don’t know what your issue is, Danvers, but I’m too old to try and change someone’s homophobic mind. So if...if that’s who you are, I’m glad I found out now,” Maggie says and Alex can’t do anything besides watch her with an open mouth. Maggie isn’t looking at her, more looking past her, and Alex can’t think of anything to say. The words, the confession, are lodged in her throat and she wants to say it.

She wants to tell Maggie that she’s gay.

She tries. Her mouth forms the word ‘I’ but nothing else follows. Maggie sighs.

“Nothing?” she says and Alex thinks this might be her last chance to salvage whatever this is with Maggie.

Still, she can’t say anything.

“Okay,” Maggie says though it seems as if it’s more to herself than to Alex.

Maggie shakes her head and she turns, walking out of the room.

Alex doesn’t stop her.

-

Everything is hazy for the rest of the night. She goes for a run, makes dinner, feeds Rosalind Franklin, and then stares at the television. Rosalind Franklin settles on her lap, meowing quietly and Alex pets her robotically.

Her phone rings and her heart leaps into her throat. Part of her hopes it’s Maggie. The rational, sensible part knows that it won’t be.

It’s Kara.

She swallows and picks up quickly. “Hi,” she says and without much prompting, Kara is going off about something and Alex is grateful for the distraction. She tunes into what Kara’s talking about, something to do with James or Ms. Grant or James  _ and  _ Ms. Grant.

Kara’s fast paced complaints are a welcome distraction and for a moment, the weight is off her chest. Her breath comes easy and unlabored. It settles on her once again when Kara asks, “how was your day?”

Alex swallows. There’s part of her that doesn’t think she should tell her because the second that she does she knows that Kara is going to offer to come down and be with her and she can’t do that. She can’t put that burden on her.

But she needs to tell someone and she might have chased away the only other person in her life she considers a friend. 

“I became a subject of the rumor mill today,” Alex starts and Kara makes an interested noise.

“Tell me more,” she replies and Alex’s bottom lip quivers.

“Maggie and I were out this weekend and some students saw us. When I got to school this morning, I got asked if it was true that we were,” she pauses and lets out a long, shaky breath, “were dating.”

There’s a soft ‘oh’ from the other end and Alex bites her lip. “What did you say?” Kara says, the question gentle but curious.

“I, I said no because we’re  _ not _ and then Maggie came to talk to me and I,” she clenches her jaw. “I froze. She uh, thinks I’m a homophobe because I couldn’t get the nerve to tell her the real reason why I was so freaked out,” Alex says and she hears the tears in her voice before she feels them hit her cheek.

“Oh Alex,” Kara says.

“I know I told you to forget about it but right now, I really, really need you to remember,” Alex says and she tries to keep her voice strong as she wipes tears away with the back of her hand.

“Okay. I remember,” Kara replies. “Talk to me, Alex,” Kara says and Alex sniffles.

“You know, I thought I could just forget about it. There was so much  _ else  _ happening that it didn’t seem like it mattered. It feels like it matters now,” Alex says and she stumbles over most of her words, all of them feeling foreign against her tongue.

“Alex, it’s always mattered. You’ve always mattered,” Kara says and Alex’s bottom lip quivers.

“Kara, I don’t know what to do. Maggie, she’s,” Alex pauses again. She’s never been the sort of person that’s had to stop in the middle of a sentence to collect herself but this feels bigger than anything she’s ever said. “She’s really important to me.”

There’s a small chuckle on the other side of the receiver. “I know. You looked at her like I looked at that pizza,” Kara says and that makes Alex laugh, truly and genuinely, for the first time all day. “It’s okay, Alex, if you like her. You’re allowed to like her,” Kara says gently and the tears are back with full force. She wants to respond, say something that lets Kara understand how grateful she is, how happy she is, but nothing she can think of can properly express the gravity of how she’s feeling. “I don’t know Maggie but I know you and she must be one hell of a girl if you like her this much,” Kara says.

“Thank you,” Alex replies. It doesn’t feel like enough but she supposes it’s as close as she’s going to get to feeling like it is.

“I love you, Alex, and I’m so proud of you,” Kara says and Alex’s only reaction is a sob. “I’ve always been proud of you.”

She doesn’t deserve it, not by a long shot, but the words offer a comfort she’s long denied herself and she allows herself to revel in it for a moment.

“Thank you,” she whispers again and it feels less foreign this time.

“So, what are you going to do about Maggie?” Kara asks and the tone starts to shift and the weight in her stomach starts to lift - permanently.

They talk for at least another hour. It’s only once exhaustion starts to seep into both of their voices and Kara nearly falls asleep on the other end that Alex suggests ending the call.

“Thank you, Kara, for everything,” Alex says.

“There’s nothing to thank me for. You’re my sister and I love you. Across the universe, remember?” Kara says and Alex grins. Kara hasn’t said that to her in years but it stills fills her with the same warmth that it used to. 

_ They’re in the treehouse, watching the stars. Alex has three layers of blankets around her, shivering, but Kara seems to be comfortable in just a sweatshirt. She’s resting her arms and chin on the wooden sill of the window, a look of wonder in her eyes. “Where do you think he is?” Kara asks and Alex knows she’s referring to Alex’s father, who passed away six months ago. Alex swallows the lump in her throat that seems to arise every time someone mentions her dad. _

_ “Somewhere nice, I hope,” Alex says softly. _

_ “Maybe he turned into a star. That really bright one looks like him,” Kara says, pointing to one of the many stars illuminating the sky. Alex can’t tell which one she’s pointing at but she pretends she does. _

_ “Yeah, maybe,” Alex mutters. Kara turns around, a frown on her face. _

_ “Hey Alex?” Kara says and Alex raises an eyebrow. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “If you became a star, I’d go into space to find you,”Kara says and Alex bites her lip. She knows Kara’s lost more people than she should have by now. Both of her biological parents are dead, Jeremiah is dead, and she had no family left when she came to live with the Danvers’. _

_ There’s a fear in Kara’s eyes and a sort of distance. As if she’s scared that if she gets any closer, she’s liable to lose her too. Alex swallows and gets into her knees. She scoots over to where Kara is sitting and puts her hands on her knees. _

_ “I’m not going to turn into a star any time soon,” Alex says and Kara gives her a watery smile. “But it’s nice that you’d go across the universe for me,” Alex adds and Kara laughs. Alex opens her arms and Kara falls into them. _

_ “Across the universe,” she whispers as they both look at the sky, the bright star Kara pointed at twinkling above them. _

It kind of became their thing after that. Whenever one of them wanted to express the depth of their bond, they would say that and the other would know.

Alex’s chest feels light now.

“Across the universe,” Alex echoes before they say their goodbyes.

She settles into bed, Rosalind Franklin nuzzled against her back, and thinks that as far as bad days go, this was certainly not the worst.

She got through all of those, she got through today, and she’ll be able to get through tomorrow too. 

Hopefully.

-

Alex brings two coffees the next morning.

She walks to Maggie’s door, her heart racing. It’s shut and Alex thinks maybe Maggie isn’t here yet. She knocks anyway. 

No answer.

With a heavy sigh, she walks back to her room but keeps the door open and her eye trained on the hallway. 

Maggie never passes her but when the students start to filter in, Maggie is standing outside of her door, smiling like nothing’s happened.

Alex feels like she’s been punched in the stomach.

She’s staring, she knows she is, but she can’t quite find a way to take her eyes off Maggie. She hasn’t since they met. After a moment, Maggie meets her eyes and for a second, Alex swears she sees a flash of emotion cross her face. It’s covered up after moment and Maggie’s face sets back into that neutral one Alex is so used to seeing.

Maggie looks away.

When Alex goes back into her classroom, she tosses the cold coffee.

-

Alex skips the lounge.

She eats in her classroom, going through papers while she eats around a salad. She has to admit her appetite isn’t what it could be.

Her door opens with a whoosh of air and her heart leaps into her throat. She, rather foolishly, hopes that it’s Maggie. She knows that it won’t be but yet she still looks across the room with expectant eyes. She tries not to let disappointment color her expression when it’s Julia in the doorway.  When Julia raises an eyebrow and says, “jeez you sure know how to make a girl feel special,” she knows she didn’t quite manage.

“Sorry, it’s been a long day,” Alex mutters and Julia laughs.

“It’s 11:30,” Julia replies. Alex glares at her through her eyelashes, causing Julia’s lips to lift into a smirk. “I might not be Maggie but I do come bearing gifts,” Julia adds, placing two perfectly shaped cookies on Alex’s desk. They’re chocolate chip with perfect frosting smiles on them. Alex looks up at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Did you make these?” Alex asks and Julia laughs.

“Oh God no. My boyfriend owns a bakery. He was messing around with cookie recipes last night. I took some of the scraps,” Julia replies, her lips lifting at the mention of her boyfriend. Alex takes a bite of the cookie and she can’t stop a noise of satisfaction from coming out of her mouth. Julia’s smile turns into a smirk. “He’s good, isn’t he?” Julia says and Alex nods. “So did you pull your head out of your ass and talk to Maggie yet?” Julia says and Alex nearly chokes on the piece of cookie in her mouth. Julia’s eyes are wide and innocent and Alex’s are wide because there’s a chocolate chip stuck in her esophagus and it’s just become very hard to breathe.

(And that has nothing at all to do with the mention of Maggie - not at all.)

Julia only looks mildly concerned as Alex grabs frantically for her water bottle to dislodge the chocolate chip. “Are you going to live?” Julia asks and Alex nods, narrowing her eyes just slightly. “Good, then you can answer the question,” she continues, her tone still bright and chipper and there’s a twinge of annoyance in Alex’s stomach but she knows exactly why it’s there. Julia isn’t letting her run away from this. Alex thinks that Julia might still interrogate her about the situation with Maggie while she was giving her the heimlich if it came down to that. 

“I’m not sure when we got to the point where we could discuss my personal life,” Alex says harshly and Julia narrows her eyes. After a few moments, she leans back and relaxes her face.

“Fine, you don’t want to talk. I get it. Enjoy the cookies, Alex,” Julia says before pushing away from the desk she was leaning against and walking out of the classroom. Alex drops the cookie and leans against the back of her chair.

Great.

She thinks she might a magician with a speciality in making friends vanish into thin air.

-

When the end of the day comes, Alex is more than ready to call it. She’s tired, her head is pounding, and she wants a fucking drink.

She’s an alcoholic - she  _ always  _ wants a drink.

She slings her bag over her shoulder and takes the long way out of the building, the one that passes the athletic field. Not for any particular reason. Just...because.

The field hockey team is practicing on the far field and Alex’s eyes fix on Maggie immediately. Her hair’s in a ponytail, her whistle hanging from her neck, while she runs across the field running drills with the girls. Even from a distance, Alex can see the gleam of sweat on her forehead. It makes her mouth go dry. She blows her whistle, bringing the drill to an end. Alex watches as she claps her hands, clearly praising her team for a well executed drill. She explains something, using hand motions, and takes a step back before blowing the whistle again. The team starts running around her and Maggie watches them with a contemplative eye.

And then, as if she felt her gaze, Maggie’s head whips around towards her. Their eyes meet and Alex thinks maybe the world slowed down so she could take her in for a moment longer. Maggie doesn’t smile, barely even changes her expression, but it’s enough to make Alex’s heart nearly stop.

And then she looks away, shouting something, and Alex’s stomach sinks. She finally makes her feet move and walks to her car. When she puts her hands on the wheel, she realizes they’re shaking. She takes deep, steady breaths and tries to calm herself. She wishes, perhaps for the millionth time since she moved, that Kara were here. She’s the only person who’s ever been able to make her feel better. She won’t call, not now, because she’d texted Alex earlier about coffee with James so she won’t bother her with this. Not again. She waits until her hands have steadied before she starts the car.

Alex passes three bars on her way home and she thinks about stopping at each and every one of them.

-

Alex puts on fuzzy socks and her favorite Stanford sweater when she gets home. She heats up days old Chinese and hopes it hasn’t gone bad yet. Rosalind Franklin settles on her lap while she watches Twilight.

(It just happened to be on - and maybe she was feeling a little nostalgic. She read all of the books as a kid and maybe,  _ maybe _ , saw the movies at midnight premieres.)

Really, Alex figures the only reason she loved these movies so much growing up was because Kristen Stewart had some kind of allure to her. It was in the bone structure, Alex was sure. 

Edward’s just run with Bella on his back when there’s a knock on her door. Rosalind Franklin meows at the disturbance but otherwise doesn’t move. Alex isn’t expecting anybody and she doubts Kara has the time for another surprise visit so soon. She slides the cat off her lap and walks to the door. She grabs a butter knife from the kitchen table. It’s not much but she figures that with enough force she could do some real damage. She opens the door and the moment that she does, the knife falls from her hand and clatters against the floor. 

Maggie. 

“Maggie,” Alex breathes out. Maggie gives her a tight smile.

“Can I come in?” she asks and Alex nods.

“Yeah, of course,” Alex says, maybe still a little surprised at seeing Maggie outside of her door. Maggie brushes past her and before Alex can even shut the door, Maggie is speaking.

“You know, I’ve been going over and over this in my head, trying to figure out where I read you wrong. I grew up in small town Nebraska, if there’s one skill that gave me, it’s the ability to spot a homophobe,” Maggie pauses and Alex flinches at the word. Maggie looks at her, eyes guarded and Alex’s stomach clenches. “You were my friend, or pretending to be, for weeks, Alex, and I-” Maggie’s cut off by Alex because she can’t stand to listen to this anymore. She won’t be accused of hating Maggie, not when that’s so far from the truth.

“I’m not homophobic Maggie, I’m gay!” Alex practically yells. Maggie’s mouth opens, her jaw dropping just slightly. Her eyes are wide and the surprise is written clearly across her face.

It’s the first time Alex has said it out loud since college, when she would stand in front of the mirror and practice saying it to herself. It’s the first time she’s ever said the word to someone else. Even Kara.

The moment is monumental, she knows that. If she could take a picture, she probably would, but she thinks asking Maggie for a selfie so she could catalog this in her gay scrapbook might be the wrong move right now.

She’s gay.

Alex Danvers is  _ gay _ .

It feels...freeing now that the words are out there. A little terrifying, a little like she’s hanging halfway off a cliff of unknown height, a little like the world is spinning in a way she can  _ feel _ . She’s smiling and maybe that’s not the right reaction, she doesn’t really know what is or isn’t the right way to react to telling someone you’re gay for the first time. It should go without saying that she’s...never done it before.

Maggie still looks shellshocked, as if that was the last thing she expected Alex to say, and maybe it was. It was pretty obvious Maggie came here looking for some kind of confrontation, for Alex to admit that she was homophobic. Her defensive stance when she walked in told Alex everything she needed to know. She didn’t need to be a special agent to read body language.

“That feels really good to say,” Alex continues because she knows she doesn’t owe Maggie anything, not an explanation, not a breakdown of her sexuality, but she wants Maggie to know. For whatever reason that might be. Maggie’s biting her lip and her face is much softer now.

“I had no idea,” Maggie says and Alex shrugs, a small smile on her face.

“For a long time, neither did I,” she replies. Alex gestures towards the couch, where Rosalind Franklin is still sitting, grumpily watching the exchange with tired eyes. She meows loudly at them and that seems to break the tension. “Do you want to sit?” Alex asks. She realizes that Twilight is still playing in the background and she’s sure she’ll have time to be embarrassed about it later but she has other, much bigger things to focus on. As slyly as she can, she grabs the remote and turns the television off. She’d rather Edward and Bella  _ not  _ provide the background noise to this conversation.

Alex has to move Rosalind Franklin away from her spot on the couch because she refused to budge. Maggie gestures to her.

“I guess you really are a cat person,” Maggie says and Alex chuckles, her chin falling to her chest.

She doesn’t know where to start. There’s so much she wants to say, so much she’s always wanted to say but never had the right audience for that she’s allowed to say now. “I’m sorry,” Alex says because she figures an apology is a good place to start.

“I get it, Danvers. I’ve been there,” Maggie says and she reaches across the couch to put her hand on Alex’s knee. Alex stares at it for a few very long moments.

“You know, that’s the first time I ever said it out loud,” Alex says, a big smile pulling at her lips. Maggie’s nose wrinkles rather endearingly.

“Yeah, I figured,” Maggie replies, her voice soft and warm and Alex wants to wrap herself in it. It’s comforting in a way that she’s never really felt before. There’s a sense of safety in the moment that Alex hasn’t had the pleasure of experiencing before but now that she has, she never wants it to disappear. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. I’ve had some….bad experiences,” Maggie says and Alex has a feeling she’s not going to elaborate. She waits a few more moments anyway. Maggie says nothing else.

“I understand. I don’t blame you,” Alex says and she’s very aware that Maggie’s hand is still on her knee. She squeezes.

“I’m here for you, you know that right? You’re my friend, Alex,” Maggie says and her heart speeds up hearing her name fall from Maggie’s lips. “You don’t have to go through this alone,” Maggie says, her eyes suddenly very far away. Alex bites her lip and she nods.

“Thank you,” Alex replies sincerely.

“Of course,” Maggie replies. “Does Kara know?” Maggie asks and Alex nods.

“The first time I told her, I was a senior in college. I was going through something and it slipped out. I told her to forget it,” Alex says with a laugh and Maggie smiles, albeit it barely seems to reach her eyes. “I asked her to remember yesterday. She loves me, no matter what, I know that, but there was this part of me that thought if I told  _ her  _ to forget it, maybe I could too,” Alex adds. Maggie’s face is sympathetic and she’s quiet, clearly waiting for Alex to continue. “I wasn’t ready. I suppressed it for years because I didn’t think I was ever going to be. But when the rumor spread, I realized that I didn’t want to lie if someone asked me if I was gay. I didn’t want to cower from the question. I think that’s what ready feels like,” Alex says and Maggie’s smile seems to have grown as she spoke.

“I’m happy for you, Alex. Really. You deserve to be happy and comfortable with yourself,” Maggie says. “I’m glad you told me,” she adds and Alex grins.

“Me too,” she replies. They’re staring at each other, the air between them suddenly heavy, and Alex can’t stop herself from looking down to Maggie’s lips. They’re a little chapped, presumably from the air that whipped against her face as she rode here, but still perfectly kissable.

And then Maggie is turning her face away and looking back towards the kitchen and Alex is shaken back to reality. The reality where Maggie isn’t hers to kiss.

She might be….out to some degree now, but that doesn’t mean she’s automatically going to get everything she wants. That’s just not how life works. Especially not for her. “You got any actual food in here, Danvers, or just that sorry excuse?” she says gesturing to take out boxes on Alex’s table. Alex smiles, a little guilty, and shakes her head.

“Negative,” she replies. Maggie smiles.

“Fine,” she says, reaching for the lo mein that Alex had been eating before Maggie arrived and leaning back against the couch with it. Alex narrows her eyes.

“I was eating that,” Alex says. Maggie smiles as she twirls noodles around the fork. She shoves them in her mouth.

“Not anymore,” she replies and Alex shakes her head. Luckily, she had the foresight to heat up more than one box. She picks up the fried rice and matches Maggie’s position. “Alright Danvers, what’s your gay education level?” Maggie says, turning her head so one of her cheeks is resting against the couch cushion, facing Alex. Alex mirrors her.

“What are you talking about?” Alex replies.

“I need to know what we’re starting with. Elementary, middle, high school level education on gay media? Clearly, you know the joys of Kristen Stewart,” Maggie teases and Alex wrinkles her nose. Of course she couldn’t get away without a comment.

“Preschool,” Alex replies and Maggie’s eyes widen.

“Are you saying you haven’t even seen one episode of The L Word?” Maggie says and Alex shakes her head against the cushion. Maggie smiles. “We have a lot of work to do, Danvers. Good thing you’re a quick study,” she adds and Alex grins.

“The remote’s on the table,” Alex says, her voice so low it’s nearly a whisper.

“Okay,” Maggie replies but she doesn’t move. Their eyes are locked on each others and Alex gets the overwhelming sense that  _ this  _ is where she belongs. Not necessarily in this apartment, or on this couch, but with Maggie. Somewhere. Anywhere.

Maggie feels safe.

The moment is broken when Rosalind Franklin lets out a loud meow from between them and Maggie finally lifts her head from the cushion. She pats Rosalind Franklin’s head. “I think she likes you more than me,” Alex replies. Maggie smirks.

“Better get used it, Danvers,” Maggie says and Alex’s jaw drops only slightly and she knocks Maggie lightly on the shoulder. “Come on, we’ve got six seasons of The L Word to get through. If we don’t start now, we won’t finish til next school year,” Maggie says and Alex smiles.

They’re barely a hand’s distance apart, Rosalind Franklin still squished between them, and Alex can’t quite believe that she started today so miserable and is ending it so….content.

Maybe Julia was right.

Life does have a way of working itself out.

-

Everything is back to normal the next day. Alex brings Maggie coffee in the parking lot and they chat before the bell for homeroom rings.

When the students see them together again, the giggling starts and Alex knows she’s going to be fielding questions about Maggie all day again.

She doesn’t mind.

She walks to Julia’s room during homeroom. She’s getting things organized and writing something on the board when she arrives. Alex knocks on the door before she steps in.

“Hi,” Julia says, sounding quite surprised. Alex smiles.

“Hi. I want to apologize for snapping yesterday. I took your advice and pulled my head out of my ass,” Alex says and Julia smiles. “Well, she came to me but I did most of the talking,” Alex clarifies and Julia laughs.

“Don’t worry, I totally get it. You don’t have to apologize. Nobody wants to talk all of the time,” Julia replies and Alex finds that she’s really, really quite grateful that Julia isn’t angry with her.

She’s starting to enjoy her company and Alex thinks she might need a friend that she doesn’t want to kiss all of the time.

“So, what happened?” Julia urges and Alex can’t stop the smile from spreading across her face.

“I just cleared the air. We’re on the same page now. Almost,” Alex says. “She still doesn’t know I have a crush on her, if you’re wondering,” Alex says, carefully. There’s a ball of tension in her stomach, made completely of fear that Julia is going to spit on her feet at the confession but it dissipates when she sees Julia’s eyes widen in excitement. She grips her hands in front of her, clearly trying to suppress a larger reaction.

“You do? Interesting,” Julia says, feigning disinterest and Alex smirks.

“You can be excited,” Alex says and Julia grins. She squeals, jumping up and down a single time.

“I knew it! I mean, I had a feeling - you look at her like Brady looks at me and you were so devastated when you two were fighting I just  _ knew _ ,” Julia rambles and Alex is still smiling and she feels a warmth in her stomach.

She never really had a lot of friends. She stuck to Kara, mostly, so this is still relatively new for her. 

Confessing all of this to Julia was a risk but it was one that she took after very carefully calculating the risk vs. reward. Throughout the past few days, Julia had proven that she wanted to be friends with Alex, wanted to know things about her and Alex felt like she needed to start getting more comfortable voicing her sexuality. It was a step, maybe a small one, but a step nonetheless.

“You can gloat later. I have to get back to my room,” Alex says and Julia looks at her contemplatively for a moment.

“Can I hug you?” Julia asks and Alex dips her head. She nods.

“Yes,” she says and Julia smiles, throwing her arms around Alex’s neck.

“Let’s get coffee after work. I can show you Brady’s bakery. He’ll give us free cake,” Julia says and really, how is Alex supposed to say no to free cake?

“Okay,” Alex says and Julia’s smile grows.

“Really?” Julia says and Alex nods.

“Yes, really,” Alex replies.

“Great! I’ll meet you at the end of the day,” Julia says and Alex nods.

She walks back to her classroom, a smile on her face.

It’s been a fast turn around but Alex wouldn’t have it any other way.

-

As expected, she has to deflect questions about the nature of her relationship with Maggie all day. Owen leads the charge, thoroughly convinced that Ms. Danvers and Ms. Sawyer are the  _ perfect  _ couple. 

Alex knows it’s just idle childhood gossip but there’s still a bit of fear that settles in the pit of her stomach every time one of them asks. Just because she’s confronted her truth doesn’t mean she’s automatically unlearned all of the ways she used to suppress it.

Alex expects something to feel different, sitting in the lounge with Maggie and Julia, both of whom  _ know _ .

But conversation passes as normal.

Life goes on, Alex realizes.

It’s a comfort, the normalcy of everything. The familiarity in Maggie’s smile, the predictability in Julia’s tendency to say the wrong thing.

The world doesn’t fall apart now that her secret is out there in it. It’s nice.

At the end of the day, Maggie stops in before field hockey practice. She hasn’t changed yet and Alex is thankful for that because if she had to see Maggie up close in a tank top, she might spontaneously combust. “Any plans tonight, Danvers?” Maggie asks, dragging her fingers across the top of one of the desks. Her eyes aren’t on Alex.

“I’m going to get coffee with Julia, actually,” Alex says and Maggie’s eyebrows rise. Her jaw clenches, maybe a little subtly, but Alex’s learned Maggie’s face well enough by now to notice the small changes.  “I know. She’s been….a good friend. And her boyfriend makes amazing cookies,” Alex says and Maggie’s face seems to relax.

“Alright, enjoy yourself,” Maggie says, patting the desk with a flat palm before turning.

“Wait,” Alex says and Maggie pauses. “Did you want to hang out after? We only got through three episodes of The L Word last night,” Alex says and Maggie grins. She nods.

“Sure. I’ll bring the food,” Maggie says and Alex nods. With one last smile, Maggie walks out of the room and Alex knows her smile won’t fade.

Alex is putting papers in her bag when Julia walks in. “Ready?” she asks, bopping excitedly on the balls of her feet. Alex nods.

“I’ll follow you?” Alex says and Julia nods.

“It’s not far,” Julia affirms.

And she’s right. It’s barely a five minute car ride in the opposite direction that Alex normally drives to school. It’s a small little hole in the wall shop, the name Bluebell Bakery written in elegant script over the door. When they walk in, Alex is overwhelmed by the scent of baking bread. The inside is warm and Alex feels comforted almost immediately. Julia brushes past her and heads right to the counter. There’s a man standing there, putting cupcakes on a display. He has an apron wrapped around his waist and flour streaked across his cheek. His face lights up when he sees Julia. Hers does too and suddenly Alex feels as though she’s intruding on a private moment, despite the fact that it’s taking place in a public place. Julia leans across the counter and kisses Brady, bringing her hand up wipe the flour from his cheek. She grins. “Looks like you made a mess,” Julia says.

“Don’t go in the kitchen,” Brady replies, with a smile. “Red velvet and a cappuccino?” he asks and Julia nods.

“Read my mind,” she says. “Make it two though. I brought a friend,” she says, finally turning back to Alex. Brady turns his attention over to her, grinning and waving. Alex waves back.

He gets two cupcakes and two coffees ready and Alex watches Julia watch him. There’s a soft smile on her face and her eyes are bright and full of love. Alex’s heart twinges.

She wants that.

If she’s being honest, she wants that with Maggie but she  _ can’t _ .

Maggie already has that with someone else. Bridget. A very beautiful, probably very sweet woman, and Alex could never imagine getting in between that.

It’s a sort of crushing realization, that she’s never going to have Maggie in the way that she wants.

Maybe there was part of her that was entertaining a possibility that she could be swept up in a grand romance, have that movie ending.

But that wasn’t ever going to happen.

Maggie wasn’t available She wasn’t hers to desire - not like this.

There’s tears that start to push at the back of her eyes and she’s saved from dealing with the embarrassment of crying in public when Julia walks over to her with a plate and Brady following behind her. “Are you okay?” Julia asks, her brow furrowing in concern. Alex nods.

“Yeah, great. I’m ready to try these cakes Julia’s been raving about,” Alex says and she swears Brady preens. They settle at a table and Brady rests a hand on Julia’s shoulder, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

“Let me know if there’s anything else I can get for you,” he says, mostly to Alex. “My treat,” he adds.

“He’s great,” Alex says when he walks away and Julia grins.

“I know. I’m really fucking lucky,” she says and Alex laughs, though it’s a little hollow.

“How’d you meet?” Alex asks and Julia lights up again.

“We met here. His mom opened this place decades ago and I’ve been coming in for coffee since I started working at the school. She passed last year and Brady took over. He used to be a football player, can you believe that? He turned down an opportunity to play in the NFL to run the bakery. He started giving me free croissants and I asked him out,” Julia says. Her smile is infectious and Alex finds herself feeling some secondhand happiness at Julia’s story.

“That’s very sweet,” Alex says, taking a bite of the cupcake. “Not as sweet as this,” she says through a mouthful of cake and frosting. Julia laughs. She turns her head back to the counter, where Brady is putting pastries in the display.

“I’m going to marry that man. I knew it the second I saw him,” she says and Alex can’t help but smile. “Anyway, let’s talk about Maggie,” Julia says and Alex smiles sardonically.

“There isn’t much to talk about. She  _ still  _ has a girlfriend,” Alex says, hoping her tone conveys that she really doesn’t want to talk about it much more. “What kind of frosting is this, it’s delicious,” Alex says and Julia shakes her head.

“Alright, change the subject, that’s fine. It’s peppermint cream cheese. I gained ten pounds trying variations of it before he perfected it,” Julia says with an affectionate eye roll.

They pass the time with small talk, from gossip about their students to little questions about where the other grew up. Their cupcakes are long finishes and their coffees are cold when Julia stands up and says, “I’m going to nip in the back and see what I can us to go,” Julia says and Alex has a feeling that’s just code for making out against the refrigerator.

She sits for a few moments at the empty table before she stands. She figures she might as well look around while she’s waiting. The display case is filled with everything from cakes, to pies, to donuts, to cannolis, to tortes. It’s all beautifully prepared and looks exquisite. Quite fairly priced as well.

“Anything I can get for you?” comes a voice from behind the counter. Alex looks up and sees nothing but a brilliant smile and warm eyes. The girl is wearing a similar apron to Brady, a name tag fixed on her chest that reads Audrey.

“No, I’m just looking,” Alex says. Audrey’s eyes don’t leave her and Alex feels a flush creep up on her cheeks.

“These just came out of the back, if you’re interested I can give you a sample,” Audrey says, pulling out a small donut. Alex smiles.

“Sure, thank you,” Alex says and Audrey hands a full donut over to her on top of a napkin. Well that’s….an interesting kind of free sample.

It’s then that Julia comes out of the back, two full boxes in her arms. Oh. She really  _ did  _ go get them something to go. Julia waves at Audrey, who smiles and wipes her palms against her apron. Julia gestures to the donut with her head. “Where’d you get that?” she asks and Alex smiles over at Audrey, who was still staring at her.

“Audrey gave me a sample,” Alex says and Julia raises an eyebrow.

“Okay,” she says, a little suspiciously. “Ready to go?” she says and Alex nods. She raises the donut in Audrey’s direction.

“Thanks again,” she says and Audrey grins, a faint red tint to her cheeks.

As they walk out of the shop, Julia looks over at Alex with a grin. “She was flirting with you,” Julia says and Alex scoffs.

“She was not,” she replies.

“Oh, she was. You’re talking to a girl who got wooed by free baked goods. She was flirting,” Julia says and Alex smiles.

Audrey was cute. She wasn’t Maggie but she had a really nice smile and maybe  _ not  _ Maggie is exactly what she needed in her life.

There’s butterflies in her stomach and she thinks that that’s mostly because she’s never really been outwardly hit on by a woman before. It’s a confidence booster to know that someone out there thought she was attractive.

Maybe finding a girlfriend wouldn’t be a totally hopeless endeavor after all. She might not be able to have Maggie but she could find someone who cared for her.

At her car, Julia hands her a box. “Assorted cupcakes. All delicious. I expect a full report on your favorite flavors by the end of the week,” Julia says and Alex smiles.

“Absolutely,” she says. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she adds before opening the passenger door and putting the box on the seat.

Alex eats another cupcake as soon as she gets home. Rosalind Franklin tries to eat the crumbs off the wrapper and Alex has to bat her nose away. “Not for cats,” she scolds.

Alex holds her phone in her hands, knowing that Maggie is waiting for her ‘ready when you are’ text but Alex doesn’t know if she’s ready to send it.

She’s never going to get Maggie.

Not the way she wants her.

And while having her as a friend is better than not having her at all, right now? Hanging out with her late at night, watching a show about women falling in love, feels a bit like teasing a hungry tiger with food out of his reach.

It  _ hurts _ .

So with Rosalind Franklin on her lap, an open box of cupcakes to her left, she opens up her text thread with Maggie.

**_Alex:_ ** _ I’m feeling a little under the weather tonight. Raincheck? _

Rosalind Franklin nuzzles her head against Alex’s hand. “You’re lucky cats don’t get crushes,” Alex says and Rosalind Franklin meows, as if in agreement.

Alex’s phone buzzes and she thinks about not checking it, just letting it be, but she can’t do that, as much as she wishes she could.

**_Maggie:_ ** _ of course. feel better! _

Alex swallows.

She’s so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im over at agtalexdanvers if you wanna talk about this chapter, any other chapters, or just wanna squeal about sanvers! they're endgame did u HEAR.


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